How to meet women at a bar, using guy metaphors. This strategy works often enough that the women of this blog should probably pretend they didn't see this so as not to let the cat out of the bag.

(for entertainment purposes only, obviouly, but if you didn't realize that already you need help with bigger things)

The Tim's employee in that pic has the exact creepy / fake smile that causes chills to run down my spine every time I go there.

/goes to get a coffee somewhere where the employees are allowed to have thoughts and feelings and emotions like regular human beings.

Ouch, babe, I feel for ya'. If it's any consolation, and I know it's not, but if you had left your purse behind you in pretty much any other country it would simply be gone. Jayme told me that she only had one thing stolen from her so far, a cell phone, and that was by an American military guy. Still, the cab story sucks, and being treated as a dumb foreigner must be pretty awful. Can't say I've been well-travelled enough to have the pleasure of knowing what it's like.

That aside, just say the word and I'll mail you a package of Tim's coffee beans, if all laws permit. Your birthday's coming up soon enough, if I recall :)

the Sleaze Project.

Various observations of the behaviour of women with respect to men have led to this enquiry. The specific factor studied here is the effect of Level of Apparent Sleaziness (LAS) on the powers of attraction of any given male.

The single most boring page on the Internet.

Go Canada, Go!

Paul Tracy wins in Canada yet again, giving a complete driving lesson to the rest of the field, in a car that's pretty much equal with the rest (equal engines, chassis). Incredible.

From the safety link on the Tango webpage:

Because safety is such a concern for small cars in particular, we have designed the Tango around a roll cage that meets or exceeds both SCCA and NHRA regulations. These are racing organizations that specify cage design to protect the occupants of cars crashing at over 200 mph. In addition, the extremely high strength-to-surface area ratio of a steel roll cage allows superb visibility from within the Tango. Rollover too is a great danger for many vehicles. The Tango, being so narrow, would look to the layman's eye to be unstable. But in fact, the Tango has stability that exceeds that of most sport cars.

Also, it's an electric car and weighs over 3,000 lbs, so you're probably going to at least hold your own in a head-on with an SUF :)

Also oticed that it charges to 80% capacity in 10 minutes (given a proper chargins station). They give numbers saying it's 30% cheaper per mile than a Honda Insight where electricity prices are average, not as good in places like California. Very neat stuff, at any rate.

An electric car that will do 0-60mph in 4 seconds, with a quarter mile time under 12 seconds: the Tango Expected to cost around $20,000US once in full production.




Anotehr article on the Tango here.

On Dutch food: It's rather boring. Probably why you don't see much of it in restaurants :)

They make a lot of stews and use a lot of brussels sprouts. They also seem to be the originators of 'fish cakes'.

On the other hand, Dutch desserts are incredibly rich. Coffee Charlotte is one, very strong coffee-flavoured gelatin with nuts and (I think) kaluha or coffee liqueur..I think for the Dutch eating is that thing you have to do before you get to dessert. Which is fine with me.

I read last year that the Dutch are the most bilingual people in Eruope, with over 80% knowing more than one language, and a significant number of those knowing more than two. The English are the least bilingual, with only 20% speaking more than one language.

So one question remains, how's the local, erm, vegetation?

�I think I�m helping my fellow man by labeling all the stupid people in the world,�

input 3 bands you like and let them match you to other bands you'll like.

You think it's moving but it's not

via MetaFilter

More than you could ever need to know about Socrates is in this MeFi post, bringing together many different points of view on the disparate images we have of Socrates. This will take a while to get through.

Zen and the art of Corporate Productivity. Want to get a job at Google, Nortel, Apple or TI? Become a yoga expert. Apparently meditation at work increases productivity even more than donuts, and the promise of more donuts to come.

Between this, the web, email, trips to the coffee machine, phone calls, scratching my bals and leaving early this means i might never need to do anything in the lab ever again!

Crow builds hook tool to retrieve hard-to-get food bucket in a pipe (requires QuickTime). I can't wait for Junkyard Wars: Avian Tournament

In that same vein: Microsoft OS locks up BMW.

Yes, the proper pronounciation of Windows CD is indeed 'wince'.

Interesting article. I can assure you that yes, Charlottetown does rock, and yes, the nickelback concert was loud. Fortunately knowing a couple of people got me and the people I was with into one of the covered VIP areas while the rain was coming down. Couldn't believe the number of people that were there, mostly tourists too, it seemed. Though there were a few people I hadn't heard from since high school that we met up with. Incidentalyl I went to the show with a girl I went to school with who had gone off to BC for a few years and has now made her way back there after deciding she did't like PEI. It was pretty much a lucky coincidence that we found each other, but we ended up spending the weekend ogether and it was just like old times. Very cool.

As for the alleged Ilsand red, I bt teh just cross out the letter 'O' and put 'Is' there instead. Never ehard of it. Must be a tourist thing.

Nickelback were good, and loud, and the sound system was easily capable of going twice as loud as it was, which made for utterly perfect sound quality. Much appreciated.Though they weren't the reason I came home for those concerts, Blue Rodeo was. They played the night before, with David Usher opening. Played a few songs from their new album, saved the good stuff for the end. I was pleased with the number of people in the audience who knew the words to 'Lost Together".


Nickelback's show was good, some new songs, their playing is nice and tight, could have used some meatier solos though. The only slightly sad part was that they pretended to finis the show but came on for a nencore, being the nice guys they were. At which point they played theeir two single biggest hits, including Chad Kroger standing alone singing 'Hero'. with some guy struming out the chords on an accostic guitar next to him, and saving half of their flashboms for the end of this supposed encore. Most people seemed to be fooled, though.

On the Quality Gap

Bob Lutz takes matters into his own hands with a reporter in comparing of the 2004 Grand Prix with several other vehicles in its class, including the (more expensive) Nissan Maxima. A very good read, looks like GM is now in good hands design-wise. They've had good assembly for a while now.

30 degree heat and five P4 systems in one room, time to over clock the AC.

PC Load Letter? What the fuck does that mean???

1: dear fruit master, you never got my first letter! i'll tell you what it said- i hate the stupid, idiotic game of fruit! the new one and the old one! they both stink! if i lose again i'm going to smash in the computer screen! i will win i will not lose again! or in three words- I WILL BE BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Signed, LAURENE 2: Dear Fruit Master, I lost your game after I tried about 200 times!!!! This game is really hard, and I thought you improved it. My child is highly upset and we will never go on the internet again!!!!! signed,a very angry parent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

Expanding those cultural horizons

I give you the Lord's Prayer in Ebonics:

Yo, Big Daddy upstairs,
You be chillin
So be yo hood
You be sayin' it, I be doin' it
In this here hood and yo's
Gimme some eats
And cut me some slack, Blood
Sos I be doin' it to dem dat diss me
Don't be pushing me into no jive
Ang keep dem crips away
Cause you always be da man, G
Straight up.
Aa-men.

Very seriously considering a trip up to Montreal for the Molson Indy Montreal. 3 day tickets are about a third of F1's prices, you can get into the paddock and walk around, and hopefully I can score a spot on a friend's couch instead of shelling out for last minute hotel prices (planing ahead == good thing).

decisions decisions...

Sir Mix-a-Lot is a very smart cat. No really.

Do you come with the car?

Found this at AnalogMan:

HOW TO SING THE BLUES

by Lame Mango Washington
(attributed to Memphis Earlene Gray with help from Uncle Plunky, revisions by Little Blind Patti D. and Dr. Stevie Franklin)

1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning."

2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, 'less you stick something nasty in the next line, like " I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."

3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes ... sort of: "Got a good woman - with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher - and she weigh 500 pound."

4. The Blues are not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch; ain't no way out.

5. Blues cars: Chevys and Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft an' state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, " adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in St. Paul or Tucson is just depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.

8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cuz you skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg cuz an alligator be chomping on it is.

9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

10. Good places for the Blues:

a. highway
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed
d. bottom of a whiskey glass

Bad places:

a. Ashrams
b. gallery openings
c. Ivy League institutions
d. golf courses

11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be an old ethnic person, and you slept in it.

12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if:

a. you're older than dirt
b. you're blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you can't be satisfied

No, if:

a. you have all your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. the man in Memphis lived.
d. you have a retirement plan or trust fund.

13. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Gary Coleman could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.

14. If you ask for water and Baby give you gasoline, it's the Blues.

Other acceptable Blues beverages are:

a. wine
b. whiskey or bourbon
c. muddy water
d. black coffee

The following are NOT Blues beverages:

a. mixed drinks
b. kosher wine
c. Snapple
d. sparkling water

15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely on a broken down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or getting liposuction.

16. Some Blues names for women:

a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling

17. Some Blues names for men:

a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie

18. Persons with names like Sierra, Sequoia, Auburn, and Rainbow can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

19. Make your own Blues name (starter kit):

a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi,etc.)
c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)

For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc.

(Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")

20. I don't care how tragic your life: you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues. You best destroy it. Fire, a spilled bottle of Mad Dog, or get out a shotgun. I don't care.

Misandrist Wednesdays are go:

cars passing...

Man driving down road.
Woman driving up same road.

They pass each other.

Woman yells out window, "P I G !"
Man yells out window, " B I T C H !�

Man rounds next curve.

Crashes into a huge pig in middle of road.


Thought For The Day :






If only men would listen...

THIS IS THE CODE...

1. If you are over 30 and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and rather you've been sucking-off the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaayming fag. A cat is like a dog, but Gay: it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog..."Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're the poster boy for GAY.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby-pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks
bar-b-q ribs, crab-claws, raw oysters, craw-fish guts, pickled pigs feet, or titties. Anything else and you are in training to suck El-Dicko and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you're in a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the poop-chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black (or with thick, wholesome milk) and full-aroma. A pussy-eating man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a dick there too.

6. If you know more than six names of colours or four different types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NHL, NFL,
NBA, college ball, PGA, and Nascar. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fresier" is, you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious!

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it...you hungry for meat-popsicle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a
slow-ass driver or to cut the motherfucker off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat his hamburger, hold his beer, finger the beotch in the passenger seat (whoever she happens to be), or, if he's Latino, talk on his cell-phone.

8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous sonnez le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to fags when they flame out too quickly. So follow the rules and beware...or keep that shit to yourself, you flamming faggot!

9. If your name is Troy then stop living in denial. You're an ass puncher from way back and everyone knows it.

Is the new McLaren Mercedes SLR (2) a mite too expensive for you? Why not build your own?

Or if you'd prefer something domestic, there's a slightly older gullwing car, New Brunswick's own Bricklin.

Ahem.

How to tell whether you should hate somebody or not.

edit: Site seems to be not responding, here's google's cache of the page.

Talking to friend of hippie chick. Wheels are in motion. Things are happening. I think I'm turning into John Cusack in the way I'm going to justify going after two girls at once to myself.

Actually it's not as bad as all that since there isn't any real commmitment. Though I do wish I could magically combine my smart sweet girl with the fun cute dateable one with the cuddle-buddy. Having to remember three sets of birthdays is going to be tough if I keep this crap up.

NES turns 20. I wanna go play the old nintendo pinball again.

Greg: You mat not have, talk to, come near, and preferably not even think about her or the idea or pollibility of her.

Besides, who was giving anyone up? ;)

Note to self: Don't ever say "hey come to this blog" to previously mentioned girls.

Comedian Dwayne Perkins on being the 'just a friend' guy. (mp3)

hippie chicks are wonderful things. Hippie chicks who hang on your every word when you wax philosophical about a band's sound are moreso.

Girls who drag you out on the dance floor out of nowhere ? Yep, wonderful.

Everything you do is wrong. also known as 'The Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About'.

Combine utter, polar disagreement on everything, ever, with the fact that I am a text-book Only Child, and she is a violent psychopath, and we're warming up. Then factor in my being English while she is German, which not only makes each one of us personally and absolutely responsible for the history, and the social and cultural mores of our respective countries, but also opens up a whole field of sub-arguments grounded in grammatical and semantic disputes and, well, just try saying anything and walking away.

via Ars Technica.

Your Favourite Band Sucks

You are your record collection, or so says a recent study. (More details: here; complete study here (pdf).)

Almost anything about a man or a woman - from their looks, intelligence and fitness, to politics, wealth and even conversational ability - can be gleaned from the tunes they enjoy most.

via this MetaFilter thread.

There's a good music preference-based personality test , my results are here.

Not america as a whole, just the fuckfaces in charge and those who let them stay in charge.

Ever notice the strange flow of a conversation when reading it backwardds on a blog page?

Dear America,

If any of your fuckers don't vote in 2004, or vote for bush, I'm going to kick your asses.

Sincerely,

-- al

Did someone say ass hat?



courtesy the Bad Ass Coffee Company.

PS. Assclown owns asshat.

Speaking of smut, if you go to Microsoft's .net home page, at the very top you'll see this image:



I wonder which version of Windows that PowerBook is running ;)

I submit that you can never have enough smut.

For example: smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut smut.

Declaring war on google targeted ads

Let's get started:

haltertop leather dildo foot fetish hardcore xxx latex dirty sanchez monkey fisting threesome foursome fivesome twelvesome bondage s&m whips chains restraints handcuffs edible underwear edible socks whipped cream nofatchicks one night stand swingers tampon douche yeast infection botox anal bleaching.

Let's see what kind of ads we get now. I'll put up a bunch of christian terms tomorrow to confuse the fuck out of it.

Young girl has encounter with Hulk doll's green eggs & ham:



Story here.

But she said: �Later when she was playing with it, she discovered it had a lump under its shorts. Being curious she took them off,

She's going to make lots of friends in school ;)

Words of Wisdom:

America, by Bruce McCullough

"Some people, when they see the stars and stripes flapping in the wind, they say "That's America!" Me, when I see the flag hung up in the window of some basement apartment by guys who have better things to do with their money then buy curtains, I say "That's America" to me. In America, there are 51 states, or maybe it's 80 by now. Does England count? I'm not quite sure. The one thing I am sure of though, is if I'm standing in a warehouse beside a timeclock and a guy is punching in for his best friend who is too hungover to get out of bed, I'm standing in America. The makeover capital of the world. The place where every young man has to answer in his heart the question what do you love more your girlfriend, or your car. And where that young man can buy a beat up old car for $300 and have to spend $1000 to insure it. Where else can even a paperboy auction the film rights to a book. A woman on the assembly line works out her overtime in her head to infinity, and at the exact same moment her husband gets into an accident because he's looking at a girl in a tube top. In America, where spelling doesn't count, people's pets do. Where else can a guy get a job riding a whale at Marineland, but in America? In America, a guy's girlfriend breaks up with him over the phone. So he gets a gun and kills the principal. Everyone is sad, until they get the day off. Next week, another guy, another gal, another "we can still be friends" phone call, uh oh, the assistant principal gets it. And everyone's sad, because they don't get the day off, he's just the assistant principal. America, a land of opportunity. Yes that great lumbering beast, that journeys tirelessly, only stops to eat a clubhouse sandwich, pick his teeth with a matchbook cover, and fall asleep with the TV on... again. America, a place for Americans."

And you thought WW[E|F] storylines were fucked up...



via die puny humans.

Something to think about:

Ancient hunter / gatherers lived to be about 38 years old; modern man lives an average of 75 years.

However, the hunter / gatherer lifestyle required only a couple of hours of real work in a given day, going out to either catch or dig up your food, or cook it on the fire. Given that, even with their short lifespans, they still had more free time than the average modern working person, who retires at 65 after working full-time all his life.

Plus, the free time that they do have was when they are young and physically fit and still able to enjoy life, rather than old and useless and in a nursing home.

Soo.. Are we really so smart?

I mention this because the guy who found the Coke bottle in the movie The Gods Must Be Crazy died just recently.

Blog improvement suggestion

How about a little box on the sidebar where we can each post what we're currently listening to at the moment? Would be an easy way to see what people are into at the moment, etc. Plus we all know Ming is dying to educate us on the latest J-Pop sensations.

Right now I've got Be Good Tanya's Blue Horse spinning in the laptop, loving the authentic country stuff recently.

A possible reason to watch star wars episode 3: source

EP3: The Star Wars Kid in Episode 3?
Thu, Jul 03, 03 06:54:49 PM EDT

Chris Knight sends in news of some late night Star Wars Kid action in Hyperspace:

Late last night, those of us watching the E3 webcam saw the makeup dept. putting touches on various Wookiee masks, including Chewbacca's. Then the camera showed us that the crew there was watching the infamous "Star Wars Kid" video. Then at 14:16:40 (on 6/3) the lady we'd been watching for most of the night turned to face the camera and held up a piece of paper. Written on it in black magic marker was this:

We Love Ghyslain. You Rock!! Jedi Kid.

She held it up long enough for the camera to snap a few frames. At 14:17:20 she held up another piece of paper, this time reading:

Ghyslain 4 Episode 3.? C'est possible, non?

Could the Star Wars Kid have landed himself a part in Episode 3? You can read more and discuss in this jedi council forum thread (NB, it's part of the spoilers allowed forum).

More Google(TM) Fun

OK kids, here's what you do: (worked as of right now):

1. Go to Google
2. Type in (with no quotes): weapons of mass destruction
3. Click "I'm Feeling Lucky".

(via This Modern World)