Words of Wisdom:

"Some people, when they see the stars and stripes flapping in the wind, they say "That's America!" Me, when I see the flag hung up in the window of some basement apartment by guys who have better things to do with their money then buy curtains, I say "That's America" to me. In America, there are 51 states, or maybe it's 80 by now. Does England count? I'm not quite sure. The one thing I am sure of though, is if I'm standing in a warehouse beside a timeclock and a guy is punching in for his best friend who is too hungover to get out of bed, I'm standing in America. The makeover capital of the world. The place where every young man has to answer in his heart the question what do you love more your girlfriend, or your car. And where that young man can buy a beat up old car for $300 and have to spend $1000 to insure it. Where else can even a paperboy auction the film rights to a book. A woman on the assembly line works out her overtime in her head to infinity, and at the exact same moment her husband gets into an accident because he's looking at a girl in a tube top. In America, where spelling doesn't count, people's pets do. Where else can a guy get a job riding a whale at Marineland, but in America? In America, a guy's girlfriend breaks up with him over the phone. So he gets a gun and kills the principal. Everyone is sad, until they get the day off. Next week, another guy, another gal, another "we can still be friends" phone call, uh oh, the assistant principal gets it. And everyone's sad, because they don't get the day off, he's just the assistant principal. America, a land of opportunity. Yes that great lumbering beast, that journeys tirelessly, only stops to eat a clubhouse sandwich, pick his teeth with a matchbook cover, and fall asleep with the TV on... again. America, a place for Americans."