8-bit D&D You know you want it.

Flavour of the month blogger update

It had to happen, of course. Optimus Prime has a blog.

Inline image blockers can bite my shiny metal ass.

Priceless..

The Smurfs' Lost Episode. Mr. T approved.

Charbel Update

From the people you've totally forgetten about department, I ran into Mr. Awad last night. It was actually at the night out that I organized for the CS grad students. Marc Cooper, another sutdent, brought him along. He tells me he is working at the department of justice, as a systems analyst. He seems pretty happy there from what he says, though supposedly they just went through a round of layoffs so he's under more pressure than he was. He also says he's obsessively playing XBox Live games, but didn't say which ones.

The ironic bit is that was the same night as the MacKenzie alumni keg party, which I invited him out to but he wasn't up to it. So it was on teh same night that I got to catch up with a bunch of other people I haven't seen in a long time, too Like Moose was there, and Chris Read, and Gep Scott, Pete came down, obviously, and I believe he has now poured his 2300th pitcher of beer. Had a really long conversation with Heather Craig, don't know if you guys remember her , she was the tall skinny short-haired blonde girl that was in the house for about 3 years from my first year. Lived next to Greg's room one year, I recall. Anyway, it was just definitely very cool t osee so many people from back before MacKenzie house sold out to the man and went all corporate.

Oh, and from the who'd-a-thunk-it department, Chris Read has or is getting a master's degree, and Andrew Parsons (another loud Port-aux-basquianite) is going to law school

Celebrity Bloggers Update

Everybody's got a Blog these days, including Kim Jong Il.

The Difference Between Potentially and
Realistically.....

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad,what is the difference between potentially and realistically?"

The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask
your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and ask your brother if he'd sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars.

Come back and tell me what you learn from that. So the
boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great college!"

The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you
sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt! I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?!?!?"

The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep
with Tom Cruise for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million could buy?"

The boy pondered that for a few days, then went back
to his dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?"

The boy replied, "Yes, sir. Potentially, we're sitting
on three million dollars, but realistically, we're living with two sluts and a queer."

More proof that Germans are evil: their toilets.

snakejumper

Here is today's Very Short Story. It's a hard-boiled detective yarn. It has a name, and that name is "Some Crimes Are Better Left Unsolved":

Streaking her fresh blood into a question mark with my shoe's tip, I thought, "I'll keep this one to myself."

Sweet Photoshop job, I'm saving that one.

Meanwhile, my Michael Schumacher voodoo doll seems to be working.

Get your free cup holder here

Saw Holly McNarland in Freddy last night, very good show. She got totally hammered and belted out a torch version of Phil Collins' "In the Air Tonight". She was very friendly, talked to all of us at the front of the crowd. The opening act, Emm Gryner was also very good, a piano-playing angst dynamo, but very funny and has a lovely voice.

WongDanny Update

I'm pretty sure that Danny Wong who's a real-estate agent in Calgary isn't the same guy. For one thing on his listing it says he speaks chinese, while our WongDanny wouldn't even admit to being Chinese. Also, there was a picture of him which i don't have the link for anymore that didn't look much like him (though I confess, all you asian types do look alike). And anyway, you have to have some degree of people skills to sell realestate.

Any word on whether taht girl you're looking to steal away from her undeserving boyfriend is coming with you? You can't leave out the good stuff, after all.

Why do you hate America so much

Since the inception of the first Patriot Act, over 18 months ago, I've begun playing this curious game with myself. What words, transmitted through my personal emails, will raise red flags with our government and cause them to generate a file on me? Stab? Bomb? Holy Terror? Zionist? Beard? Junior Bush? Scud? Bud the C.H.U.D.? Dracula Powder? Allah #1? It's hard to know.

Now that the government has revamped its old, far too permissive efforts, and passed Patriot Act II (which allows federal agents to deny any information about the nature of the arrest to captured suspects. no one has to know their rights, or their wrongs, now.) I wonder if they've gone through and added more "red flag" words to monitor potential terror or dissent in our correspondences? Like "Michael Moore", "Dixie Chicks", "Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences", "Wavy Gravy", "sandals", "liberal arts", "falafel", "ambivalent", "worried", "I hope my boy is safe", "dove", "small world", and "croissant."

I will say this. I'm glad the current US Executive cabinet is DOMINATED by older men, because there's no way women could seriously consider cool names like "Operation Enduring Freedom", "Decaptitation Attack" (LIU KANG WINS - DECAPITATION ATTACK!), "bunker buster", "Operation Liberty Shield", and "Molly Hatchet." Female military officials would ruin our bloodlust instantly with campaigns like "Barbie's Dream War", "Unicorns are for Real", and "How the U.S. Got Its Groove Back." FELLAS, AM I RIGHT????

War on France update

So the question is, real or fake?

WKRP in Cincinati update

Andy Travis found alive and well in Halifax whorehouse

Freedom Fries Update

France fires back with Peace Pretzels

I'm not making this up.</davebarry>

Music blogging is the new hotness

Guillermo, it was really nada.

Back in my day, Morrissey's fans were closeted gay boys, the girls who loved them, and oddly, Mormons.

Now, he's the idol of Latinos, especially in LA. Is it a cultural connection with melodramatic poetry or artistic narcissism? Is it identification with Morrissey's lyrics of disenfranchisement, or a rebellion against traditional Latin machismo?

Is it the hair?

Discuss.

Robin Cook's resignation speech to the British Parliament (realplayer). One of the first politicians to speak without invoking marketing tactics, false analogies, calls to emotionality or outright lies.

The Dildo Song (not safe for dialup)

A prostitute walks into a bar. She spots a koala bear sitting at the end of the bar. After a little small-talk and flirting, the koala bear goes home with her. They frolic all night long. The next morning, the koala gets up and wanders towards the door.

"HEY! Where are you going?" yells the prostitute. "I haven`t been paid!"

Realizing that he is a koala bear and might not understand, she reaches for a dictionary and looks up "prostitute".

She shows him the definition:

PROSTITUTE (pros`ti toot) n. A woman who performs services for money.

The koala bear looks at her and then grabs the dictionary. He shows her a definition:

KOALA BEAR (ko all e Bare) n. A furry marsupial. Eats bush and leaves.

Devo is not dead. I repeat. Not dead.

You're a bunch of god damn white devils.

*takes a long puff of opium and returns to building your fucking railroad*

The best part of Wolfenstein was, of course, "Mein Nayven!" et. al. Also, the best part about this game is people screaming in agony in german between bouts of throwing crap at you from the tops of buildings while you shoot at them, Virtua Cop style. Very well done for a Flash game, actually.

Just remember, Ming, they're called Freedom Fries now. Don't want to get thrown in jail for ordering something named after those treasonous French.

Ahh The Onion, my Tuesdays would be so much more productive were it not for your brilliant writing...

Adulthood Spent Fulfilling Unfulfilled Childhood:

CANTON, OH�Jeffrey Riesman, 29, an account manager at Tri-Trust Insurance, has spent the last 10 years satisfying desires not sufficiently fulfilled during childhood, sources reported Tuesday.


Above: Taking a break from his Atari 2600, Riesman enjoys a bowl of Fruity Pebbles.
"I just bought a mint-in-box Six Million Dollar Man Bionic Transport and Repair Station off eBay for just under $100," Riesman said Tuesday. "All I need is an Oscar Goldman, and I'll have the complete Bionic toy series."

According to roommate Nate Kenniff, 28, Riesman's need to indulge childhood desires is reflected in everything from his toy collection to his diet.

"We tried shopping for groceries together when I first moved in, but that didn't work," Kenniff said. "He'll go to Costco and buy box after box of Fruity Pebbles, Boo Berry, and Quisp. Whenever I suggest we get some Wheat Chex or something a little less sweet, he just rolls his eyes and calls my cereal choices 'lame.'"

Kenniff said Riesman spends an average of six hours a night watching TV.

"I like TV as much as the next guy, but Jeff takes it to extremes," Kenniff said. "And it's not like he's watching quality stuff. He'll stay up for an all-night Scooby Doo marathon. Have you tried watching Scooby Doo lately? It's not as good as you might remember it."

Riesman also owns more than 500 DVDs, many of which are collections of cartoons he loved as a boy or such forbidden films from his adolescence as Porky's, Private School, and Hot Resort.

When Riesman isn't watching TV or DVDs, he's usually playing one of the 200-plus games he has purchased for his vintage Atari 2600 game console.

"I had Atari when I was a kid, but my mom always made me wait until I was done with my homework to play," Riesman said. "Now, as soon as I come home from the office, I can settle in and play Yars' Revenge until dawn, and she can't say anything about it."

Added Riesman: "I'm thinking about picking up a second game system, like maybe a Colecovision or Intellivision. Why not? They're only like 50 bucks. I make almost $30,000 a year. Why deprive myself?"

Another area in which Riesman's youthful indulgence manifests itself is his bedtime. Despite having a job that requires him to be at the office at 8 a.m., he refuses to go to sleep before 3.

"When Jeff and I were living together, he'd always stay up way after I went to sleep," said Carla Green, Riesman's ex-girlfriend. "I'd say 'Come to bed,' and he'd always snap back that he's an adult and can stay up as late as he wants. I have no clue what that was about."

According to noted psychotherapist Dr. Howard Blum, Riesman suffers from a condition known as Chronic Unfulfilled Desire Syndrome, which affects a person's ability to let go of childhood fixations and embrace maturity.

"Some people are never able to overcome CUDS�it can't be medicated," Blum said. "The only thing an afflicted individual can do is try to curb those youthful desires while still in their twenties and pray they aren't still pursuing them at 45. There's nothing sadder than a middle-aged Pez-dispenser collector."

Bad day at work?

Rejected titles for Star Wars: Episode III:

11. Jedi Knights III: The Movie
10. Vader of the Lost Darth
9. The Last Temptation of Anakin
8. How to Lose a Fan in 10 Minutes
7. Dude, Where's the Clone Wars?
6. In the Shadow of Tolkien
5. Jedi, Interrupted
4. Dawn of the Darth
3. Toy Story 3
2. The Search for Plot
1. The Sith Sense