Pop Songs Won't Hurt You

Had a very interesting discussion with Pants last night while wandering around downtown.

We started talking about pop music and he said that he hates the song “My Heart Will Go On”. (opinion stated - always a mistake when engaged in music discussion; cards shown.. wait for it..) He said he especially hated how it gets stuck in his head (Opportunity! This one will require some massaging of word meanings to make work, but nothing overly ambitious.)

At this point Pants is sitting against the wall of the outside of Zombie Myron's, we're about 20 feet away from the door and the usual crowd mixed with a few people there to see Midnight Auto Supply (the Alice in Chains tribute band, or at least that's what I thought they were. I remember us shouting “Grind! Man in the Box!” between songs.) and Mystery Sytem, all buzzing in and out but far enough away to not notice us. I'm doing my monkey act and standing on top of the base of a lamppost, hanging off of it and shifting my weight from left to right. Picture a monkey conversing with a bear.

“So you find this song is something that you end up hearing in your head from time to time?”

“Yeah, it's catchy.”

“So it's catchy? Well, that to me would mean that you've been caught. Wouldn't that mean that your brain considers it somehow to be worth remembering? I'd say there's something there, something that your subconscious has declared to be worth remembering and is going about trying to figure out what it is about that melody or sound that you secretly find utterly compelling.”

“I hate you, al.”

“I'm on your side, buddy, don't try and fight your subconscious, it's 90% of your brain and it's always on. Try and push against your subconscious and it'll steamroll you. Your brain, deep down, knows there's something to that melody in that song. Trying to push it away by declaring ‘I don't like that song’ is like me telling you to sit in a corner and don't come out until you stop thinking about a white bear. You're fighting a losing battle.”

“Listen, all I'm telling you is that I don't like that song.”

“Oh I'm not arguing, I fully acknowledge that you say you don't like it. We're really not having an argument because we're discussing two different things. You've made a value judgment about a song based on your chosen criteria for evaluating the quality of music, and I, arguing on behalf of your subconscious mind, am saying that there's something compelling about that particular series of notes that makes your neurons start to jump and jiggle and want to turn the thing over and examine it and get to the center of the mystery. We dream about things that we need to fully sort out, and it's a process you can't avoid.”

When the monkey and the bear engage in verbal sparring, the monkey knows he's not going to push the bear around, but he can get the bear riled up by throwing coconuts to hit just the right targets.

I always know how to have a good time.
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