The Wonders of Canadian Candy

Tam asked the following below in the previous post: “ What the hell are Ketchup Chips?”, and I realized I haven't introduced our international readers to the wonders of Canadian Snack Foods.

	Coffee Crisp This is a good idea! ("Une bonne idée!") It's chocolate with a coffee-flavoured wafer center. My complaint, however, is that it could be more significantly coffee flavoured. It could hold you down and make you sniff its beans, but instead it just kind of gives you a whiff of coffee before and after the actual chewing. That's a disappointment. It floats in water. C+
	Big Turk This definitely gets my vote for "Best Candy Bar Which Is Also Someone's Prison Nickname." It intends to taste like Turkish delight ("Loukoum") but as far as I'm concerned it's essentially Swedish fish covered in chocolate. Combining Swedish fish and chocolate is one of those really great ideas, like combining Playstation 2 and oral sex. It does not float in water. B+
	Ketchup Potato Chips Good god! ("Mon dieu!") These are actually good! Really good. So good that I was able to get past the unnerving phrase "simulated ketchup flavour." The important thing here is that they don't really taste all that much like ketchup ("ketchup"). They're kind of like vinegar chips crossed with barbecue chips crossed with, well, ketchup. Only good! Much better than you're imagining! It's like really gross food, only made by Jesus. Also, they float. A-

Other fine Canadian food not mentioned in the above link that you might hear about, especially if you watch “Trailer Park Boys”, which you should be, are Donairs. Distinct to Eastern Canada, it's a soft, thick pita-like bread shell with spicey strips of some kind of mystery meat, rumoured to be lamb but probably usually beef, with veggies and a warm sauce that tastes vaguely like the Venus' breastmilk must taste like, sweet and greasy. Sort of like if you took the oh-so-trendy pita sandwiches you can get these days and made them as unhealthy as possible.

The greatest halloween candy ever is apparently also unique to Canada, obviously I mean Rockets! Rockets represent the final achievement in the world of candy, sinsisting purely of sugar and artificial flavour and colour, packed into little tiny rolls (small size representing potency, the same trick used by the Red Bull people.) Apparently in the US they call them 'Smarties', and they don't actually have real Smarties in the US.

In short, Canadian junk food is pretty messed up.