Saturday, November 20, 2004

The Wonders of Canadian Candy

Tam asked the following below in the previous post: “ What the hell are Ketchup Chips?”, and I realized I haven't introduced our international readers to the wonders of Canadian Snack Foods.
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Coffee Crisp
This is a good idea! ("Une bonne idée!") It's chocolate with a coffee-flavoured wafer center. My complaint, however, is that it could be more significantly coffee flavoured. It could hold you down and make you sniff its beans, but instead it just kind of gives you a whiff of coffee before and after the actual chewing. That's a disappointment. It floats in water. C+

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Big Turk
This definitely gets my vote for "Best Candy Bar Which Is Also Someone's Prison Nickname." It intends to taste like Turkish delight ("Loukoum") but as far as I'm concerned it's essentially Swedish fish covered in chocolate. Combining Swedish fish and chocolate is one of those really great ideas, like combining Playstation 2 and oral sex. It does not float in water. B+

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Ketchup Potato Chips
Good god! ("Mon dieu!") These are actually good! Really good. So good that I was able to get past the unnerving phrase "simulated ketchup flavour." The important thing here is that they don't really taste all that much like ketchup ("ketchup"). They're kind of like vinegar chips crossed with barbecue chips crossed with, well, ketchup. Only good! Much better than you're imagining! It's like really gross food, only made by Jesus. Also, they float. A-

Other fine Canadian food not mentioned in the above link that you might hear about, especially if you watch “Trailer Park Boys”, which you should be, are Donairs. Distinct to Eastern Canada, it's a soft, thick pita-like bread shell with spicey strips of some kind of mystery meat, rumoured to be lamb but probably usually beef, with veggies and a warm sauce that tastes vaguely like the Venus' breastmilk must taste like, sweet and greasy. Sort of like if you took the oh-so-trendy pita sandwiches you can get these days and made them as unhealthy as possible.

The greatest halloween candy ever is apparently also unique to Canada, obviously I mean Rockets! Rockets represent the final achievement in the world of candy, sinsisting purely of sugar and artificial flavour and colour, packed into little tiny rolls (small size representing potency, the same trick used by the Red Bull people.) Apparently in the US they call them 'Smarties', and they don't actually have real Smarties in the US.

In short, Canadian junk food is pretty messed up.

By al - 2:47 a.m. |

Comments:
personnally Ketchup chis are the best flavor of chips out there. I know the states don't have ketchup chips but england had them...except they were wrong. They were not filled with a red powder that got all over you and tasted more like vinegar that anything else. They were simply wrong.

Canadian Junk food may be a little messed up but let me tell you other places have their own strange series of junk food. Maybe it is because I grew up here but I prefer the junk food here. :)
 
Ketchup chips sound good. Especially since "it's like really gross food, only made by Jesus." If they taste anything like Salt & Vinegar chips I'm in.

Also, the US does have some strange candies but most of them are old. Things like Chick-a-Stick and Necos.
 
I could totally go for a turkish delight car :)
 
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