And I so wanted a free ride... stupid SARZ.

Jedi Update

Porkins has an action figure!!! I must own him.

Uncle Ben's

Now all we need is a Geo Metro with a Formula 1 wing duct taped to it. Maybe I spoke too soon? I also dig the Engrish decals. ^_^

There is nothing wrong with picking up French hookers. As long as you call them Freedom hookers. That is all.

Consider the horse beaten!

JC: Are you staring at my wang?
RCMP: Must... not... look...

Stay on Target!

Today being The National Day of Mourning. We must take the time to remember our fellow comrades who have died in the workplace. I for one, would like to give a "shout out" to my main man - Jek Porkins.

I think it only fitting to declare this day to be Porkins Appreciation Day. Why? Because he was a man doing his job. That's why. He proved that fat people are not to be scoffed at. He was one with the Light Rich Buttery Creamy Side of The Force.

Though Porkins was a highly skilled rebel pilot. Some sources say he was actually reaching for a burrito he stashed away in the cockpit, before meeting his untimely demise.

Yet he stayed the course. When the going got tough, he didn't chicken out. His dedication was only matched by his appetite. When the turbo lasers were a flyin. This brave soul fucking stayed on target. Nerves of steel. Tub of lard. Truly - an enigma.


Jek Porkins - deceased a long time ago, in a galaxy far far away

I'd also like to take the time to give a "mad props ya'll" to my fellow slant eyes who worked tirelessly to build this great nation's railroad. You send a good fish, Misah Man. Preese send FOH more to house. Sank you. Canada did indeed give you a bum deal my Chinese railway bruthas. You will be missed... =(

Do it Fast, Do it Furious

What can I say? It was a bitchin weekend for car nuts like myself. =) If ya wanna check out more info and pics of us at the Speed Sport East Auto Show, they can be found here.






Here's G Dawg next to a Mustang. His dream car. Which he can't fit in. Yet he has leg room in a small Japanese car. God bless American engineering. =) This is also Greg shortly after he discovered the Internet had porn. See that blank stare? That's right. He's thinking about his wang. And more importantly - where he can put it. Here pussy, pussy, pussy, here puss... ^_^

Don't you just love our money? =)

Mah Boyz

Wang and wang related accessories are all the rage these days.

Ah Penny Arcade, you wonderful mirror of current events. With the proper gaming slant. Of course

Tuan's latest pick up line:
*Place hands in air. Wave like you just don't care. Repeat as necessary.*
"Hey baybee, I gots tha SARZ, wonna fock?"

If you were a woman, I would give you the wang.

Dear new girl at work, I love your boobies. You also have a nice ass. May I show you my wang?

Got Wang?

The Hello Kitty Vibrator. So wrong. Yet so very right.

Pocky II: Son of Pocky

Chantal, curse you and your easily affordable Korean electronics!!! 4 megapixels?! Arghh and here I am stuck with this 2 megapixel dealie. =) Oh well. On with the show!

So I ventured into The Friendship Store after the previous night's unadulterated slaving fan boy Chow Yun Fat worshipping. A tale that will be recalled in the not too distant future. For now you'll hafta make due with this. Since, Unkie Tuan's a little woozy huffing the fumes from vinyl restorer and assorted car care products whilst spring cleaning his baby.

Anyhoo, I'm getting off-topic. Permit me to direct your attention towards Exhibit A.


Here we see the infamous chocolate bread stick delicacy known simply as Pocky. To the left of Pocky, we have an intriguing item from Glico (the bringers of Pocky) creatively titled Kittyland. Why did I pick this up, never having tasted it? One can only surmise it had something to do with curiosity, the cat, and being in close proximity to Pocky.

And last, due to an impulse buy, a rare delight from the Far East. I hear talk of the slant eyes worshipping this mystical foodstuff. In some corners of China it rivals rice itself in popularity. I knew I had to try this natural wonder of fruity goodness, this God among Candies, this... Jorry Rancha.

From my limited knowledge of Japanese (which I gleaned from anime and Japanese porno) as near as I could tell. Kittyland is indeed, made from 100% real kittens.


Now if you'll excuse me. I must grow large with Pocky.

G Dawg, make sure you're on the right ladder. =)

Rise fwom yo gwave!

Everyone and their dog wants to get with SEGA's fine piece of ass, ummmm, I mean... "intellectual property". Electronic Arts wants to do a publishing deal since Squaresoft told them it was "over" and never to call her again. Sammy is rushing their merger plan through at their next shareholder meeting. And Microsoft being the wonderful pimp that they are just wants to "buy SEGA out" so that she may turn tricks by midnight.

Dammit. Looking at those Japanese twins are giving me wood. Down boy! Down!

Greg, you sly dog, I had a feelin' =)

If it weren't for Gran Turismo...

Well Sony has decided to screw me yet again! Sigh. See here.

Maybe you've read it before, if so, consider it spam and move on:

MAN vs WOMAN

I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women
differ so much. I never have figured out the whole Mars & Venus thing. And I
never have figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
Also, I never have figured out how sexual desire gets thrown into a state of
turmoil when it hears the words, "I do."
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the
passion starts to heat up, and she then says, "I don't feel like it, I
just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT?!"

So she says the words that I and every other husband on the planet dreads.
She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman.

I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?" I finally realized that nothing is
going to happen that night, so I went to sleep.

The very next day the we went shopping at a big, unnamed department store...

I walked around while she tried on three very expensive outfits. She
couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of them.

She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200 each to which I
say, "OK." And then we go to the Jewelry Dept. where she gets a set of
diamond earrings. Let me tell you ...she was so excited! She must have
thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she
cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet
because she doesn't even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when
I told her that it was OK.

She was almost sexually excited from all of this and you should have seen
her face when she said, "I'm ready to go, let's go to the cash register."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey. I don't feel
like buying all this stuff now."

You should have seen her face ... it went completely blank. I then said,
"Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."
Just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "You must
not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man."

I figure that I might be having sex again sometime during the Spring thaw of 2003.

It's a bike, I swear

This tickled my funny bone along the same lines as Ming's Dynasty... =)

Checkers anyone?

Yes I worship at the Temple of Fat

Bulletproof Monk
Is it cheesy? Yes.
Is it "Anna and the King" cheesy? Let's hope not.
Does Chow shoot guns? Yes.
Does Chow reload? No.
Is this a good thing? Very much so.
Are you as cool as Chow? Hell no.
Will you ever be as cool as Chow? Probably not.
Does Chow get killed off in this one (yet again)? We'll see.
Did Greg preview it? Yes
Will I go see it? Fuck yeah. It's Chow-tastic!

Welcome back to the stage of history

Ah Soul Calibur... good times... good times... if only Ming would stop playing "the girl with the pointy stick" and stop jabbing me constantly. But I digress. =)

I found this blurb over at Penny Arcade amusing enough to share with you gamers out there:

Soul Calibur 2 is like seeing your girlfriend again after she has been gone for a few weeks, only she changed her hair color while she was away. She is familiar but at the same time a little bit different. You know this girl but there is something new there, Something that comes from being reunited after a long separation, something exotic that comes form a slightly new appearance, and you get butterflies in your stomach that haven't been there since you started dating. You know this game. The controls feel familiar to you and the same combos and patterns you used before still work but there is something different. You can't pin it down to one thing but the game feels exciting again and you get butterflies in your stomach that haven't been their since the Dreamcast.

I'll be picking up the Gamecube version since Link from Legend of Zelda is in it. Fan-tastic is the word I'm looking for. Heihachi is the exclusive character on the PS2 and Spawn (of all things) is the extra on the Xbox.

Not slowing down enough during turn 3 of the Brazilian GP, that's insane. =) or stupid, one or the other. Smacking head on into a tire is also silly.

So sue me, I find this amusing :-)

Actually they did the exact opposite of "ricing up" the Sentra and unleashed it's performance. :) Though I wouldn't recommend Greg stripping down the Civic. Wait. Scratch that. I do recommend Greg strip down the Honda. :)

As for Monkeytown anytime is fine with me. I'm anxious to hear the "story" and thusly put my own spin on it, of course. :D

Normally I'd say Fuck the Po-lice! But I can't help being attracted to this one for some odd reason. :D

I am reminded of Greg all of a sudden. :)

*holding skull* Alas poor Mingus I knew him well... =)

Mingus, you still want a Gamecube? Tao wants to sell his for a PS2. Lemme know. And yes there is a God. He lives in a plantation in Hawaii.

8 porn spam in one day, a new personal best. Up from the average 4. Man this is getting annoying. Hmmm... urge to kill RISING! *looks at boobies* fading, fading...

Million Yellow Man March

I'm not sure if Peter's original homemade duct tape bag, he carried around campus, predicted a new wave in postmodern hippie fashion or was due to the fact that he had one too many Tylenols. You be the judge.

And yes I am allowed to call them squinty-eyed. It's in the AZN-Brutha Handbook. Chapter 14. Article 27. Words and terms deemed offensive by the general populace and used by "Round-eyes" to further bring 'The Yellow Man' down. Shall be used freely, in good nature, as a casual greeting to further "The Cause".

Like Subaru, only with Lego parts. I wish I had the skill to pull this off.

Rhymes with hockey

This strip reminds me of the time at work when I had some of Scott's sugar frosted jujubes... from hell. I swear I nearly collapsed to the ground as my liver violently convulsed and cried out "Screw you and your damn horse! Bitch. I'm leaving you for an alcoholic."

I don't know how the man sat there and popped round after round of those vile, sickly, sweet, diabetes-inducing confectionaries. Scott has no liver. He's more sucrose than man, now.

Apparently he also has no taste buds. My current working theory is that they were burnt off by a cigarette butt while he was held hostage by irate chimpanzees in 'Nam. I'm guessing the primates were also succesful at removing his liver. It should be in Hong Kong by next Friday at the latest.

For those in Fredericton who actually want to taste the sweet sweet nectar that is the Pocky stick, venture forth to the Chinese store (AKA Greg's favourite spot to - "get his mack on") near campus on Regent St. and close to the Harveys. Oh and you folks in Korea might be able to source these through your squinty-eyed friends as well.

I assure you they do not have an edible wrapper, unlike the similarly asian-themed Rabbit Candy.

In related news, my brother informs me of the death of the beloved Beaver Buck. I guess they were renamed Chartwell Cash before going to a high tech debit card system christened Chartwell Credit. Easily photocopied Beaver Buck, you will be missed. *sniff*

This minor time shift has left me all kinds of messed up. I walk outside to find cats chasing dogs, water running up hill, and a strange hankering for fruit loops, I mean men. Shit. I mean fruits, ummm... I mean boobs. Definitely boobs. Phew! That was a close one. What can this all mean?

Sorry for the lack of update. My actual brother came home to do a tire swap so I didn't have much impetus to write anything. I'll rectify the situation as soon as possible. T out.

Mingus when are you getting back? Tentative plans for a Moncton get together are brewing. Dates being kicked around are Easter break and the SpeedSport Auto show on the 25th-27th. <sarcasm>Meet Nascar driver Brett Bodine!</sarcasm>

As G-dawg put it: "If you can convince Ming-san to drop by, we can discuss our travels and gawk at the girlie computer renderings. Mmmm. Pixels. And Chinese Food at Half Price!"

Greggu-kun, I'm posting an IOU and the funny shall be redeemable this weekend. Speaking of which, due to the impending snow, I dub:
<Comic Book Guy>Worst season. Ever!</CBG>

Glad you're making it back. Mah baby needs a mod chip. *wink wink*

Duc's returning... on a jet plane... don't know if he'll see his bags again...

Fried Rice

and I thought Moncton was bad... avert your gaze.