Tuesday, January 18, 2005
On Closeness
Cynthia Dunsford has a couple of posts on her blog about cuddling that have stuck in my brain for a while: Thoughts on Snuggling and Snuggling Part 2. Definitely worth the read. Here's a paragraph from the first post: I'm talking about love.
It really got me to thinking how isolated most people seem to be from each other, myself certainly included. It's as if closeness, or much contact at all, is only considered normal if it's in a sexual relationship.
The kind where you can attach yourself to a body without even having an inkling of a sexual thought, and not because that person turns you off, but because you just love the person. And then add another person...and bingo, you have plenty of snuggling.
People crave the comfort of being next to someone but are ashamed of that feeling in most contexts. If you watch a room full of people fill up, you'll find people sitting as far away from anyone else as they can, with the first person to come in that has to actually sit next to someone feeling quite embarrassed most of the time. Or on a bus where people would seem to rather sit by themselves than sit down next to someone and actually have a conversation. What exactly is it about our society that has taught us to act this way? Is it merely the hypersexualization we see in our popular culture, where a man and a woman can't have a simple conversation without it having to lead somewhere?
I had a professor from Ukraine who really noticed this fear of contact students seemed to have, where people would sit one or two to tables that had four chairs each, and they would go right to the back of the room rather than sitting too close to someone else. He said the exact opposite would happen back home. Which would strike me as much more sensible, on an intellectual level, anyway. Practically speaking, I'm the type to apologize profusely if I accidentally nudge someone.
I just sometimes wonder why we don't simply realize that life would be much less difficult to get through if we could enjoy the comfort of being close to each other without it having to be sexual or uncomfortable. Instead we seem to be a world filled with people sitting alone in front of their televisions feeling lonely and wondering what's wrong with ourselves.
I hope that changes soon.
Technorati Tags: Love, Relationships, Cuddling
By al -
10:57 p.m. |
But I never really had physical contact with anyone when I was a kid / teenager.
I'm comfortable enough inside a relationship, but those are few and far between, and the stress that comes with them sometimes seems a little artificial..
: 5:15 p.m., January 23, 2005I tend to be a touchy - feely type of person especially when greeting visitors or folks I haven't seen for sometime. It always amazes me how some people just totally stiffen when they are hugged. And what is a real telltale sign that they are cold and definitely non-cuddlers is that when you go to hug them, they inevitably smash your head on with their forehead.
I have several siblings and they are all as cold as fish. It was the way we were raised. I made a vow that if I had children that they would be cuddled, snuggled, and know they were loved. They were and they know they are.
My husband also came from a family where public displays of affection were off limits and it took awhile but he too, is very publicly affectionate.
Snuggling does not have to suggest sex and I think after reading Cynthia's blog that some of the commenter's are equating sex and snuggling as one.
Think about it... you cuddle with your pets but you don't have sex with them.
: 1:14 p.m., January 27, 2005I think that's why I chose the picture of the kittycats, to give people the proper frame to think about it :)
