Tuesday, August 26, 2003



Best post on this debate ever:

If they sell Unimogs in the US under the guise of an SUV, and if it's considered street legal, I'm buying a fucking Sherman tank. Litterally. I will fucking buy a goddam tank, take the turret off it and make a 40 ton "SUV" of my own. Tanks have just as much right to the streets as a Unimog... If it's gonna be an arms race I'm fucking pre-emptively striking and building the biggest, heaviest goddam thing EVER. I'm talking 80,000 pounds, 5 gallons per mile, top speed of 35 mph. They will have to fucking follow me around town with a paving crew, I'm gonna wreck so much shop. Fuck approach angles, I will drive THRU hills! ...and houses, and campers, and immigrant families, and fucking UNIMOGS. I will get on the freeway and drive down the center of the road, asphault splashing off my treads like puddled water, Hondas bouncing off my armor like moths on a windshield. I will exceed the height of every overpass, and tear them down as I drive underneith. Fuck overpasses, I don't need them! They couldn't even hold my tank anyway. If I need to drive over the freeway, I will just DRIVE OVER THE FUCKING FREEWAY. I will not park in the designated lots, I will do donuts there and leave a barren wasteland of mangled "compact" and "handicapped" spots, then just drive my tank through the front of the establishment I am patronizing. If I go to the drive through, I will rip the side off the building and make them cook my burger on the blazing hot exhaust pipes sticking out of the side of my tank. When I put my tank in gear it will buck so hard that siezmic equipment in california registers it. The roar from my turbo desiel's straight pipes will be so loud, I will single handedly keep hundreds of glass installers in business in the city of Reno alone. I will ALWAYS be on my cell phone and eating RED FUCKING MEAT while I'm driving, and I will never pay attention to where I'm going because I DON'T FUCKING HAVE TO. My license plate will read "SHIVA" for I will be the fucking DESTROYER OF WORLDS.

By TVT - 10:22 p.m. |

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