Wednesday, April 30, 2003
Now all we need is a Geo Metro with a Formula 1 wing duct taped to it. Maybe I spoke too soon? I also dig the Engrish decals. ^_^
There is nothing wrong with picking up French hookers. As long as you call them Freedom hookers. That is all.
Tuesday, April 29, 2003
Monday, April 28, 2003
Stay on Target!
Today being The National Day of Mourning. We must take the time to remember our fellow comrades who have died in the workplace. I for one, would like to give a "shout out" to my main man - Jek Porkins.
I think it only fitting to declare this day to be Porkins Appreciation Day. Why? Because he was a man doing his job. That's why. He proved that fat people are not to be scoffed at. He was one with the Light Rich Buttery Creamy Side of The Force.
Though Porkins was a highly skilled rebel pilot. Some sources say he was actually reaching for a burrito he stashed away in the cockpit, before meeting his untimely demise.
Yet he stayed the course. When the going got tough, he didn't chicken out. His dedication was only matched by his appetite. When the turbo lasers were a flyin. This brave soul fucking stayed on target. Nerves of steel. Tub of lard. Truly - an enigma.
Jek Porkins - deceased a long time ago, in a galaxy far far away
I'd also like to take the time to give a "mad props ya'll" to my fellow slant eyes who worked tirelessly to build this great nation's railroad. You send a good fish, Misah Man. Preese send FOH more to house. Sank you. Canada did indeed give you a bum deal my Chinese railway bruthas. You will be missed... =(
Do it Fast, Do it Furious
What can I say? It was a bitchin weekend for car nuts like myself. =) If ya wanna check out more info and pics of us at the Speed Sport East Auto Show, they can be found here.
Here's G Dawg next to a Mustang. His dream car. Which he can't fit in. Yet he has leg room in a small Japanese car. God bless American engineering. =) This is also Greg shortly after he discovered the Internet had porn. See that blank stare? That's right. He's thinking about his wang. And more importantly - where he can put it. Here pussy, pussy, pussy, here puss... ^_^
Saturday, April 26, 2003
Friday, April 25, 2003
Wang and wang related accessories are all the rage these days.
Thursday, April 24, 2003
Ah Penny Arcade, you wonderful mirror of current events. With the proper gaming slant. Of course
Tuan's latest pick up line:
*Place hands in air. Wave like you just don't care. Repeat as necessary.*
"Hey baybee, I gots tha SARZ, wonna fock?"
Tuesday, April 22, 2003
Well, my "linguistics class" didn't go as well as planned. I quickly realized that my capability to talk to strangers in a foreign language about anything more complicated than "I went to Calgary last week" and "I work at a company that wants to make nuclear bombs to destroy your country" is not as good as I hoped. Oh well. Better to learn now than while bargaining for goods in downtown Toyko. Still, students like to impress their teachers...and I didn't :( *sigh* The learning process takes much too long. On to Book 2!
But the sight of a "Hello Kitty Vibrator" really does cheer one up on a Tuesday morning.
Monday, April 21, 2003
SARS fashion updateForget the Hello Kitty SARS mask, now you can be paranoid and still look good with the knockoff Burberry SARS mask.
Pocky II: Son of Pocky
Chantal, curse you and your easily affordable Korean electronics!!! 4 megapixels?! Arghh and here I am stuck with this 2 megapixel dealie. =) Oh well. On with the show!
So I ventured into The Friendship Store after the previous night's unadulterated slaving fan boy Chow Yun Fat worshipping. A tale that will be recalled in the not too distant future. For now you'll hafta make due with this. Since, Unkie Tuan's a little woozy huffing the fumes from vinyl restorer and assorted car care products whilst spring cleaning his baby.
Anyhoo, I'm getting off-topic. Permit me to direct your attention towards Exhibit A.
Here we see the infamous chocolate bread stick delicacy known simply as Pocky. To the left of Pocky, we have an intriguing item from Glico (the bringers of Pocky) creatively titled Kittyland. Why did I pick this up, never having tasted it? One can only surmise it had something to do with curiosity, the cat, and being in close proximity to Pocky.
And last, due to an impulse buy, a rare delight from the Far East. I hear talk of the slant eyes worshipping this mystical foodstuff. In some corners of China it rivals rice itself in popularity. I knew I had to try this natural wonder of fruity goodness, this God among Candies, this... Jorry Rancha.
From my limited knowledge of Japanese (which I gleaned from anime and Japanese porno) as near as I could tell. Kittyland is indeed, made from 100% real kittens.
Now if you'll excuse me. I must grow large with Pocky.
SARS and second-degree sunburns? Don't forget terrorists. Happy travels :)
...oh and as a little side note....I'm going to pick up my new digital camera tomorrow...it's an Olympus Camedia c4000z...it's 4 mpixels (not 5 as originally planned)...and there are two zooms (forget which one's which) but one is 3x and the other is 10x...I'll finally be able to start sending you pictures...starting with the ones from my vacation!
Down to the big count down now boys...yes, that's right...5 DAYS LEFT 'til my vacation in the Philippines...tropical beaches, late night parties, drinks with umbrellas, SARS and 2nd degree sunburns...CAN"T WAIT! We are going to get certified for our PADI open water scuba diving course and go scuba diving every day...it'll be a tough life for 10 days, but we'll think of you guys when we're soaking in the melanoma....I mean... sun.
Sunday, April 20, 2003
Breakfast updateThrowing some of that left-over havanero salsa into your omlette in the morning might seem like a good idea at the time. But trust me on this one, leave the salsa in the fridge and go straight for the nice, bland cheddar cheese instead. You'll thank me for this advice some day. Just be glad you didn't have to learn the hard way yourself.
Rice updateFredericton Rice Chronicles: account of the rather disproportionate amount of riced-up vehicles in this great city. I've seen a couple of these for sure. Nothing formerly owned by Tuan or his brother seem to have made the cut, however :) (giant Honda decals notwithstanding)
Friday, April 18, 2003
Rise fwom yo gwave!
Everyone and their dog wants to get with SEGA's fine piece of ass, ummmm, I mean... "intellectual property". Electronic Arts wants to do a publishing deal since Squaresoft told them it was "over" and never to call her again. Sammy is rushing their merger plan through at their next shareholder meeting. And Microsoft being the wonderful pimp that they are just wants to "buy SEGA out" so that she may turn tricks by midnight.
Nerd updateNamco wants to merge with Sega, VF vs. Tekken? I can handle that.
Thursday, April 17, 2003
Well, this'll be the last post from me for a few days - what with the long weekend and all. I'll be sure to tell you how my meeting goes on Saturday. In case I forgot to mention it, she's a Japanese girl (3rd year business student) who has volunteered to help me with my linguistic talents. Wish me luck!
Bunnyrabbits, satan, cheese and milkThe program MusicMatch Jukebox lets you record stuff from a microphone into mp3 format. It saves them under a default filename, and so if people unwittingly share them over kazaa they can be a source of endless amusement. Mic In Tracks
Wednesday, April 16, 2003
If it weren't for Gran Turismo...
Well Sony has decided to screw me yet again! Sigh. See here.
Maybe you've read it before, if so, consider it spam and move on:
MAN vs WOMAN
I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women
differ so much. I never have figured out the whole Mars & Venus thing. And I
never have figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
Also, I never have figured out how sexual desire gets thrown into a state of
turmoil when it hears the words, "I do."
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the
passion starts to heat up, and she then says, "I don't feel like it, I
just want you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT?!"
So she says the words that I and every other husband on the planet dreads.
She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman.
I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?" I finally realized that nothing is
going to happen that night, so I went to sleep.
The very next day the we went shopping at a big, unnamed department store...
I walked around while she tried on three very expensive outfits. She
couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of them.
She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200 each to which I
say, "OK." And then we go to the Jewelry Dept. where she gets a set of
diamond earrings. Let me tell you ...she was so excited! She must have
thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she
cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet
because she doesn't even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when
I told her that it was OK.
She was almost sexually excited from all of this and you should have seen
her face when she said, "I'm ready to go, let's go to the cash register."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey. I don't feel
like buying all this stuff now."
You should have seen her face ... it went completely blank. I then said,
"Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."
Just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "You must
not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man."
I figure that I might be having sex again sometime during the Spring thaw of 2003.
Tuesday, April 15, 2003
It's a bike, I swear
This tickled my funny bone along the same lines as Ming's Dynasty... =)
Road trip! Road trip! Yeah, the weekend of the 26th sound good. I talked to my dad in Toronto, apparently things aren't too great up that way especially if you're asian. . . . oh, something about SARS. . . .
That out of the way, I'll be in Grand Falls for Easter. Back to find out if I still have a job. Then, either I start the job search or take a vacation.
On a totally unrelated note, I just changed my winter tires for my all-seasons. . . . what happens? Damn @#$%ing snow. Greg, can I borrow a gun to hunt Mr. Murphy?
Monday, April 14, 2003
One of the odd benefits of living with someone who's spent considerable time in the Far East is getting first-hand knowledge of the strangest martial arts movies ever.
Like, for example, Tai-Chi Master, Jet Li and Michelle Yeoh doing, yes, tai-chi.
On the other hand, the Once Upon a Time in China series has a couple of gems in there. Very "Crouching Tiger", actually.
Yes I worship at the Temple of Fat
Is it cheesy? Yes.
Is it "Anna and the King" cheesy? Let's hope not.
Does Chow shoot guns? Yes.
Does Chow reload? No.
Is this a good thing? Very much so.
Are you as cool as Chow? Hell no.
Will you ever be as cool as Chow? Probably not.
Does Chow get killed off in this one (yet again)? We'll see.
Did Greg preview it? Yes
Will I go see it? Fuck yeah. It's Chow-tastic!
Welcome back to the stage of history
Ah Soul Calibur... good times... good times... if only Ming would stop playing "the girl with the pointy stick" and stop jabbing me constantly. But I digress. =)
I found this blurb over at Penny Arcade amusing enough to share with you gamers out there:
Soul Calibur 2 is like seeing your girlfriend again after she has been gone for a few weeks, only she changed her hair color while she was away. She is familiar but at the same time a little bit different. You know this girl but there is something new there, Something that comes from being reunited after a long separation, something exotic that comes form a slightly new appearance, and you get butterflies in your stomach that haven't been there since you started dating. You know this game. The controls feel familiar to you and the same combos and patterns you used before still work but there is something different. You can't pin it down to one thing but the game feels exciting again and you get butterflies in your stomach that haven't been their since the Dreamcast.
I'll be picking up the Gamecube version since Link from Legend of Zelda is in it. Fan-tastic is the word I'm looking for. Heihachi is the exclusive character on the PS2 and Spawn (of all things) is the extra on the Xbox.
Sunday, April 13, 2003
Not slowing down enough during turn 3 of the Brazilian GP, that's insane. =) or stupid, one or the other. Smacking head on into a tire is also silly.
Oldie but a goodieInsanity Test: If you can look at this without laughing you're not insane. (requires sound)
Saturday, April 12, 2003
I was actually rather impressed with what they did to the Sentra, love the last pic, with the guy in the helmet, you'd hardly recognize it as a passenger car.
Link: Virtua Pikey (Snatch surrenders)
Actually they did the exact opposite of "ricing up" the Sentra and unleashed it's performance. :) Though I wouldn't recommend Greg stripping down the Civic. Wait. Scratch that. I do recommend Greg strip down the Honda. :)
As for Monkeytown anytime is fine with me. I'm anxious to hear the "story" and thusly put my own spin on it, of course. :D
So, boys, are we any closer to a Moncton meeting during Easter or the weekend after? I've got...um...plans for Saturday afternoon (Apr 19), but unless things go unexpectedly well, it shouldn't be anymore than a couple of hours. And the story that goes along with this...meeting is a rather enjoyable one to tell, but best done over a glass of iced tea and a plate of chicken-fried rice in the presence of one's buddies. ^_^ So perhaps a gathering of the clans on the weekend of the 26th might be more convenient for me, and give me more stories to tell (or, more specifically, the same number of stories, but covering a longer span of time). But if Easter weekend is more convenient for the others, then perhaps I could work in a Sunday/Monday trip - or, if things don't go well, a Saturday night/Sunday trip. Does anyone know when Ming will return to Moncton after his vacation, or when he will be amenable to a Moncton gathering?
And I love the Sentra. That's the way race cars were meant to be - just enough metal to hold the power plant and drive train together. :)
Friday, April 11, 2003
Normally I'd say Fuck the Po-lice! But I can't help being attracted to this one for some odd reason. :D
Thursday, April 10, 2003
Wednesday, April 09, 2003
We can timeshare a cabin in the woods where I plan to run off to to write when I go over the brink with all this computer stuff.
Still not sure what I'd write about. Humour seems to be my thing, and music and art.. though humour requires you to be of the world, and not much satire comes form people who aren't deeply embedded in society itself.
I suppose I could always do a sequel to Walden...
*throws his arms into the air* Why God? Why? Why do you not like me? I work hard. I put up with all the pain, torment, suffering you throw at me. Is that not enough? Have I not suffered enough? Please take me away from this forsaken place. . . . *lights fade to black, cue music*. . . . maybe I should have written bad plays instead of working in the computer industry ;-p
Or there might be a god and he just doesn't like you :)
Of course since ending a post without a link is sacrilage, Disney's deep dark secrets.
Mingus, you still want a Gamecube? Tao wants to sell his for a PS2. Lemme know. And yes there is a God. He lives in a plantation in Hawaii.
Tuesday, April 08, 2003
8 porn spam in one day, a new personal best. Up from the average 4. Man this is getting annoying. Hmmm... urge to kill RISING! *looks at boobies* fading, fading...
Staggeringly weird MP3 collection over at April Winchell's blog. Everything from Hindi ABBA covers to hideous celebrity sing alongs from the likes of Hulk Hogan and Catherine "Daisy Duke" Bach. My favorite so far is the german cover of the theme music from Bonanza.
Million Yellow Man March
I'm not sure if Peter's original homemade duct tape bag, he carried around campus, predicted a new wave in postmodern hippie fashion or was due to the fact that he had one too many Tylenols. You be the judge.
And yes I am allowed to call them squinty-eyed. It's in the AZN-Brutha Handbook. Chapter 14. Article 27. Words and terms deemed offensive by the general populace and used by "Round-eyes" to further bring 'The Yellow Man' down. Shall be used freely, in good nature, as a casual greeting to further "The Cause".
Like Subaru, only with Lego parts. I wish I had the skill to pull this off.
Monday, April 07, 2003
Are you allowed to say that, nigga?
And I know where the Friendship Store is. Such fond memories. Just so it's known - I'm only there in the presence of other Asians or Asian look-alikes. Hmmm. Perhaps the word "other" doesn't apply. I've had Pocky before. It's ok, but I wouldn't rob the Kwik-E-Mart for it. [As Greg thinks about what life would be like if he robbed the Friendship Store...]
Rhymes with hockey
This strip reminds me of the time at work when I had some of Scott's sugar frosted jujubes... from hell. I swear I nearly collapsed to the ground as my liver violently convulsed and cried out "Screw you and your damn horse! Bitch. I'm leaving you for an alcoholic."
I don't know how the man sat there and popped round after round of those vile, sickly, sweet, diabetes-inducing confectionaries. Scott has no liver. He's more sucrose than man, now.
Apparently he also has no taste buds. My current working theory is that they were burnt off by a cigarette butt while he was held hostage by irate chimpanzees in 'Nam. I'm guessing the primates were also succesful at removing his liver. It should be in Hong Kong by next Friday at the latest.
For those in Fredericton who actually want to taste the sweet sweet nectar that is the Pocky stick, venture forth to the Chinese store (AKA Greg's favourite spot to - "get his mack on") near campus on Regent St. and close to the Harveys. Oh and you folks in Korea might be able to source these through your squinty-eyed friends as well.
I assure you they do not have an edible wrapper, unlike the similarly asian-themed Rabbit Candy.
In related news, my brother informs me of the death of the beloved Beaver Buck. I guess they were renamed Chartwell Cash before going to a high tech debit card system christened Chartwell Credit. Easily photocopied Beaver Buck, you will be missed. *sniff*
This minor time shift has left me all kinds of messed up. I walk outside to find cats chasing dogs, water running up hill, and a strange hankering for fruit loops, I mean men. Shit. I mean fruits, ummm... I mean boobs. Definitely boobs. Phew! That was a close one. What can this all mean?
Sorry for the lack of update. My actual brother came home to do a tire swap so I didn't have much impetus to write anything. I'll rectify the situation as soon as possible. T out.
Sunday, April 06, 2003
I have wisely decided to keep any valuable in my carry-on luggage along with an extra set of clothes, and other personal hygene items. Which leaves most of my clothes and any sharp objects which can be used to stab idiot US customs agents. . . . I haven't decided if that is a good thing or not.
Yo. I'm scheduled to fly out tomorrow. . . . assuming Julie makes it back in today/tomorrow and the simulator doesn't break or catch on fire. I planning on taking my vacation shortly after I get back. . . . the one I should have taken LAST YEAR. . . . I'm planning on taking a trip up to Toronto to visit my dad while visiting all the stops in-between. I'm currently thinking: Summerside -> Moncton (Ming-Ming stop) -> Grand Falls (Mom stop) -> Toronto (Dad stop) -> Grand Falls (Mom stop) -> Fredericton (Greg, et al. stop) -> Moncton (Tuan, et al. stop) -> Summerside (end of insanity).
Saturday, April 05, 2003
Mingus when are you getting back? Tentative plans for a Moncton get together are brewing. Dates being kicked around are Easter break and the SpeedSport Auto show on the 25th-27th. <sarcasm>Meet Nascar driver Brett Bodine!</sarcasm>
As G-dawg put it: "If you can convince Ming-san to drop by, we can discuss our travels and gawk at the girlie computer renderings. Mmmm. Pixels. And Chinese Food at Half Price!"
Super Day.Everything you do is super today. When you're in the shower and you drop the soap, you won't just pick it up, you'll swoop down and do a supergrab for it. You also will brew a pot of supercoffee, superdrive to work and superfile some boxes of old files in the newly built archive room. Tonight you're going to get superloaded and superhave sex with someone on a couch because that's where the winner you superchose to screw happens to be living temporarily (19 months and counting). Tomorrow, you will not have supercrabs. You will just have crabs.
Friday, April 04, 2003
Lousy Smarch Weather!Meanwhile, the coolest mod ever is, of course, the NES PC with step-by-step instructions including using your old NES controllers. Load an 8-bit emulator onto there for proper gaming goodness, and never blow on another cartridge again :)
Greggu-kun, I'm posting an IOU and the funny shall be redeemable this weekend. Speaking of which, due to the impending snow, I dub:
<Comic Book Guy>Worst season. Ever!</CBG>
So you haven't been a target of the "war on terrorism" yet. Good to hear. Since you've been gone, our airline has gone bankrupt.
Duc's walking...ain't no jet planes
In another attempt to satisfy my ego...I won second place in the beginner's category in the 14th Annual Canada National Japanese Speech Contest. I'll think of more details later. I'm really hoping for some "yellow fever" humor from one of you looking in Tuan's direction.
Glad you're making it back. Mah baby needs a mod chip. *wink wink*
Duc's returning... on a jet plane... don't know if he'll see his bags again...
The end is near! I might make it back on time!!! Sometimes working over 80 hours a week does payoff. . . I just haven't figured out how yet. . . . . :-)
and I thought Moncton was bad... avert your gaze.
Thursday, April 03, 2003
There are few things more glorious than a cake shaped like Alf
Wednesday, April 02, 2003
Acts of Gord. The Gord knows all, sees all, and is quick to judge. This is what they really think of you.
Tuesday, April 01, 2003
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