Monday, March 31, 2003
Sunday, March 30, 2003
Hot Rod? The best Autobot?! I think not. For the record, Hot Rod is the biggest tool ever for getting Prime killed. Yeah, way to usurp power, get in the way of your commander-in-chief's line of fire. Ass. Am I bitter? You better damn well believe it. Oh well, at least they're finally going to make Unicron. A toy so fucking big you don't play with it. It plays with you.
Inline image blockers can bite my shiny metal ass.
Saturday, March 29, 2003
And so He proclaimeth: Thou shalt drink of mine juice!
Charbel UpdateFrom the people you've totally forgetten about department, I ran into Mr. Awad last night. It was actually at the night out that I organized for the CS grad students. Marc Cooper, another sutdent, brought him along. He tells me he is working at the department of justice, as a systems analyst. He seems pretty happy there from what he says, though supposedly they just went through a round of layoffs so he's under more pressure than he was. He also says he's obsessively playing XBox Live games, but didn't say which ones.
The ironic bit is that was the same night as the MacKenzie alumni keg party, which I invited him out to but he wasn't up to it. So it was on teh same night that I got to catch up with a bunch of other people I haven't seen in a long time, too Like Moose was there, and Chris Read, and Gep Scott, Pete came down, obviously, and I believe he has now poured his 2300th pitcher of beer. Had a really long conversation with Heather Craig, don't know if you guys remember her , she was the tall skinny short-haired blonde girl that was in the house for about 3 years from my first year. Lived next to Greg's room one year, I recall. Anyway, it was just definitely very cool t osee so many people from back before MacKenzie house sold out to the man and went all corporate.
Oh, and from the who'd-a-thunk-it department, Chris Read has or is getting a master's degree, and Andrew Parsons (another loud Port-aux-basquianite) is going to law school
Friday, March 28, 2003
I heard through the grapevine. . . . I have PS2 mod-chips. They are sitting on my desk in PEI. For those of you not keeping up to date on blogger, I am currently in Atlanta. I see a definite problem here.
Celebrity Bloggers UpdateEverybody's got a Blog these days, including Kim Jong Il.
The Difference Between Potentially and
A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad,what is the difference between potentially and realistically?"
The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask
your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and ask your brother if he'd sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars.
Come back and tell me what you learn from that. So the
boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great college!"
The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you
sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt! I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?!?!?"
The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep
with Tom Cruise for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million could buy?"
The boy pondered that for a few days, then went back
to his dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?"
The boy replied, "Yes, sir. Potentially, we're sitting
on three million dollars, but realistically, we're living with two sluts and a queer."
Thursday, March 27, 2003
...and I say your mom's cool.
This is the last message before I head off into the wild blue yonder, where men are men and cows are food. My next post (and chance to read the madness) will probably be on Tuesday, April 1. I'll be sure to tell you how it went. And I promise not to do any April Fool's joke w.r.t. the outcome of the contest.
Leaving on a jet plane...
The Name Game
In honor of being up all hours of the night playing the sweet sweet nectar that is the new Zelda. I shall replace a word in my daily speech with Nintendo. For example, "My God! Look at the set of Nintendo's on that one! I'd sure like to grab me a handful of Nintendo." See how easy that was? Good.
Wednesday, March 26, 2003
Hey Mingus, nice to see the 'mericans didn't rough ya up too badly. As for the new Gameboy. Yes, it is a kickass little piece of hardware, as it's one of the few systems I can easily get pirated games for. :) Nintendo games HALF-PRICE!
Hey everyone. I've made it to Atlanta, relatively unscaved. Lucky for me, I scooped up a Gameboy Advance SP along with Metrold Fusion and Street Fighter Alpha 3. . . The new GBA kicks ass, so does Metroid Fusion. Ahh, the memories. Alpha 3 just makes my thumb sore as I frantically try to throw fireballs. My only gripe about the gameboy SP: no headphone jack. The built in speaker is amazing good, but Metroid in full stereo sound would be sooo much better. Anyways, back to Metroid. . . err. . . work. . . . :-)
We are not without our idiots in the gamer world. Here's an e-mail I saw posted to a gaming website:
"Are you going to boycott Ubisoft along with me and some other gamers? It's a way for gamers to show their displeasure for France leaving the US in a lurch and trying to stand in the way of us liberating the Iraqi people."
Yes. Let's all stop eating baguettes, watching French porn, and kill poodles while we're at it. Knob. Back of the line. And what's this 'liberating' shit? Oh yes, please do invade my country and turn my city into a war-torn hell hole. And then stay there for many many years after. God forbid weak-kneed Canada should voice an opinion. I can see it now - Freedom Syrup! Well, at least we didn't spawn a new breed of canine... the British Lap Dog.
Here is today's Very Short Story. It's a hard-boiled detective yarn. It has a name, and that name is "Some Crimes Are Better Left Unsolved":
Streaking her fresh blood into a question mark with my shoe's tip, I thought, "I'll keep this one to myself."
Tuesday, March 25, 2003
Today's secret word is... giddy
The new Zelda is out tomorrow. If you hear a yelp of pure joy coming from the general direction of Memramcook. That would be me. Go Tuna! It's your birthday. We gonna play Zelda like it's your birthday!
They call it a Royale with cheese
Whiteys have this gene too? Hmmmm... curious.
Monday, March 24, 2003
C, if you've made it into the land of the maple leaf. I expect my shipment of Korean ho's to be on time and in un-fondled condition. C'mon people! I gotta have these bitches turnin tricks in Montreal by midnight. Pimpmastah T, out.
"Go Anstey! It's your birthday..." and I believe the rest of that line is: "...and we don't give a fuck it's not your birthday!" :) Ah such is the lyrical genius that is 'fiddy shent'. G Dawg, I think you won that contest by ripping off my kick ass speech from last year. It went something like this: <quoting from The Good Book> "Domo Arrigato Mr. Roboto, Thank you very mucho, Mr. Roboto!" Well. That was pretty much it. But I did get 1st prize in the fugu eating contest. Ummmm... poison.
<as Tuan places his hands in the air in a 'roof-raising' gesture>
Don't be fooled by the rocks that G's got
He's still, He's still Anstey from the block
Used to have a little, now he's got a lot
No matter where he goes
He knows where he came from (from the Rock!)
Well, I'm still in Summerside for a few more hours. I had a bit of a false start there yesterday. . . . Apparently, my luggage made the first flight to Halifax. I didn't. Of course, that flight was way late and I decided it was better to sleep in my own bed and try again tomorrow instead of staying at some hotel room in some strange city. So, I drove back, played some pick-up hockey with the guys. . . life as usual. Time for round 2. Hajime!
Well, I wasn't sure what to say when I heard the news. Like Greg, I've never really lost anyone close. I can offer my condolances and if you really want to run up a phone bill, feel free to call me in Atlanta if you want to talk. Then again, if you're calling all the way there, Larry King might be a better value for your money ;-p
Condolances to Chantal and her family. I have no dead relatives (except that uncle who died a year ago, but we weren't close), so I have absolutely no idea how to respond to that news. So I won't. I do, however, have good news:
I WON! I WON THE MEETING...i mean CONTEST! YEAH! GO GREGGY, IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY...
There were 10 contestents in the beginner category, and I had the best speech of them all, so they're flying me to Calgary for the national competition on Sunday. Kick ass! Not only that, but I won the grand prize...the best speech of the day. I did better than the 5 intermediate and 2 advanced compeditors. Woo Hoo!
The down side is that the prizes are quite small (they have to afford airfare, after all). I won a dictionary (3800yen) for winning the beginner category, and a "lacquerware" box for the grand prize. The Nationals give out ~$300 scholarships for the first place winners, but the grand prize winner of the entire country gets a roundtrip ticket to Japan, rail pass and (I presume) accommodations for a week or so. Not that I figure myself the best in Canada, but even to compete on that level is still pretty cool.
As for the girls: the Japanese ones are quite cute. I was talking to a "Yukie" (pronounced Yoo-key-eh?) who told me (after complementing me :) that she had an archetecture licence. [Note: I resisted the urge to say, "Archetect, huh? I've got something for you to erect."] But I didn't bring anyone home, and there was no nookie to be had. But I was complemented multiple times by the young and the old, the straight and the gay, the white and the yellow. It was a good day. I'll be sure to tell you how the nationals go. Since it's the winners of the regionals who get to go, I figure there'll be 5 other compeditors in my category, and prizes are given for first, second, and third, so I favor my chances at getting something, although those westerners are probably quite good....
I repeat: Go Greggy, it's your birthday, we goin' party like it's your birthday, sip Baccardi like it's your birthday, and we don't care that it's not your birthday!
Sunday, March 23, 2003
Sweet Photoshop job, I'm saving that one.
Meanwhile, my Michael Schumacher voodoo doll seems to be working.
Get your free cup holder here
Saw Holly McNarland in Freddy last night, very good show. She got totally hammered and belted out a torch version of Phil Collins' "In the Air Tonight". She was very friendly, talked to all of us at the front of the crowd. The opening act, Emm Gryner was also very good, a piano-playing angst dynamo, but very funny and has a lovely voice.
Saturday, March 22, 2003
WongDanny UpdateI'm pretty sure that Danny Wong who's a real-estate agent in Calgary isn't the same guy. For one thing on his listing it says he speaks chinese, while our WongDanny wouldn't even admit to being Chinese. Also, there was a picture of him which i don't have the link for anymore that didn't look much like him (though I confess, all you asian types do look alike). And anyway, you have to have some degree of people skills to sell realestate.
Well Tuan has been harassing me for a while now, wondering when I was going to make my Kramer-esque appearance in his little conversation here. Well, I saw an article today that made me think of old Tuanny Boy, so I decided I should post it, so we can all mock him and his beliefs (don't worry, he likes to be emotionally torn apart). Here is said article. For some reason I can see Tuan reading this article, slapping his head and saying "Why didn't I do that first?". Except I don't really see Tuan as an Optimus Prime, I see him more as a ... (This is where I would like people to post which transformer name Tuan should change his name to, and please give a reason. Most creative gets a Shiny Quarter).
Also for the icing on this proverbial cake I give you a blast from the past I hope you all enjoy this little slice of our history and feel free to send me any suggestion for this tribute page (I'm thinking about doing a quote page, so please send any good ones along)
Now for my answer to the above question: " I don't really see Tuan as an Optimus Prime, I see him more as a..."Bumblebee. We all know if Tuan could he would be a car, but I don't think he is big enough to become one of the bigger guys, so he'd have to be a small car. Bumblebee is perfect: Small, Yellow and gets very little respect (or at least less than he deserves).
And on that note, I'm out.
My heartfelt condolensces go out to Chantal and her family. Her mother passed away recently. Death is never an easy thing to talk about especially in troubled times like these. But I promise we will do our best here to brighten her spirits as best we can. How? By making complete and utter asses of ourselves in the name of comedy. Chantal we wish you the very best. And if you ever need any cheering up. You know where to look. :) Take care. And when you're in Canada, contact Jojo. He's good peoples.
Heh, nice cover Greg, sure, sure. We all know your Yellow Feevah sometimes leads you to impure thoughts. "She would be like a Vantu version of Ming-Ming" - now that's funny. But would she be called Tuan-Tuan, I wonder?
Breaku a legu at the speech dealie. And please refrain from addressing the audience with 'Harroh Amewican Consumah'. You'd lose some points there. But for an encore might I suggest this. Good luck Greggu-kun. Give me a call on your way back if you wanna stop in Moncton for a bite... and bring that China-girl with you. :)
Any word on whether taht girl you're looking to steal away from her undeserving boyfriend is coming with you? You can't leave out the good stuff, after all.
For the record, the comment about Tuan's sister could be interpreted in 3 ways: 2 of them are ok, the third (which is the way Tuan interpreted it) is not.
1. The family shows a boy and a girl playing with a water buffalo. If the boy is Tuan, and the girl is about his age, then Tuan should have a sister approximately his age. I want to know what happened to her. She would be like a Vantu version of Ming-Ming.
2. Sometimes adults, more often parents, more often women, will refer to a child as "cute". This doesn't mean they wish to anything weird or twisted to the child. The comment could be interpreted this way. Although the first option is prefered.
And y'all wish me luck on the Japanese Speech Contest in Halifax on Sunday. 8-10 hours of driving in one day (4-5 each way) for a 3 minute speech. Isn't right, I tell ya....
Why do you hate America so muchSince the inception of the first Patriot Act, over 18 months ago, I've begun playing this curious game with myself. What words, transmitted through my personal emails, will raise red flags with our government and cause them to generate a file on me? Stab? Bomb? Holy Terror? Zionist? Beard? Junior Bush? Scud? Bud the C.H.U.D.? Dracula Powder? Allah #1? It's hard to know.
Now that the government has revamped its old, far too permissive efforts, and passed Patriot Act II (which allows federal agents to deny any information about the nature of the arrest to captured suspects. no one has to know their rights, or their wrongs, now.) I wonder if they've gone through and added more "red flag" words to monitor potential terror or dissent in our correspondences? Like "Michael Moore", "Dixie Chicks", "Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences", "Wavy Gravy", "sandals", "liberal arts", "falafel", "ambivalent", "worried", "I hope my boy is safe", "dove", "small world", and "croissant."
I will say this. I'm glad the current US Executive cabinet is DOMINATED by older men, because there's no way women could seriously consider cool names like "Operation Enduring Freedom", "Decaptitation Attack" (LIU KANG WINS - DECAPITATION ATTACK!), "bunker buster", "Operation Liberty Shield", and "Molly Hatchet." Female military officials would ruin our bloodlust instantly with campaigns like "Barbie's Dream War", "Unicorns are for Real", and "How the U.S. Got Its Groove Back." FELLAS, AM I RIGHT????
Friday, March 21, 2003
War on France updateSo the question is, real or fake?
Greg I'm aware you have eyes on my sister. But let's put it this way, she's a little, ummmm... young. Tis best you steer clear of the authorities.
G: No it's not my birthday. I was simply quoting from the eloquent spiritual musings and deep classical meanderings of the ebonic poet of our times - 50 Cent. *puts on spectacles, cue Masterpiece Theatre musical montage* <in a proper British tone> 50 Cent, truly a giant that has captured the essence of mankind's deep inner struggle with one's self. I shall attempt to parapharse from The Good Book. "Yay and verily. Go shorty. Tis your birthday. We shall endeavour to party, like tis your birthday."
Another passage from The Good Book, this time by Jennifer Lopez featuring Ja Rule:
It must be da ass
Dat got me like damn
If dey get any fattah
Man the Rule
Gonna hafta git attah
One can only stand in awe of such genius. Shakespeare would be proud.
And gang, you may now refer to me by my urban stage name - 2 pence. Also acceptable: 2p, T Diddy, Margaret Thatcher, and The artist formerly known as TVT.
Ming: While you're in the States, try to look guilty of something and see what happens. I recommend duffle bags full of electronic bits around airports.
TVT: I liked the pictures of your family playing with the water buffalo. Whatever happened to your sister, anyway?
As for the expensive missles: Agreed. But, conversely, it would cost even more to throw a house 1300 km and have it land on a boat in the Red Sea.
And is it your birthday soon? I thought it was in May, or March, or sometime in the Spring when there's snow and slush and mud to get on your boots and then into your car.
Or, if you're just a fan of musical lyrics, I've got one for you by Outkast: "Bombs over Baghdad....Bombs over Baghdad..."
And be patient: The carpet bombing will begin soon. We're deciding on our favorite color. We wouldn't want to...clash.
I've been keeping an eye on those travel advisories. . . . so far there is no travel advisory for those planning on entering the US warzone. That said, I guess Sunday could be a very rough day. . . .
Does anyone else find it amusing that American cruise missiles can potentially cost more than the buildings they're set to destroy? I know I do. Whatever happened to good 'ol fashioned carpet bombing and napalm? Hey I'm allowed to say that. I was in 'Nam. :)
Crap. Soon Chantal will be able to say that too. And Chantal, if you run into any trouble in 'Nam - contact Jojo. He's good peoples. While you're there. Do stay at the luxurious Daewoo Hotel. Won't you? :)
And say 'hi' to my pet water buffalo for me. She gets lonely at times.
Concerning Greg's conspiracy theory: A CAE ballcap, shifty eyes, references to Peter Frampton, it can mean only one thing. It is Ming!
Thursday, March 20, 2003
- "An irate gunman mistakes our pal Ronald's outfit for that of a Frenchman. His one demand? Free the Hamburglar."
Wednesday, March 19, 2003
Another Conan favourite, ladies & gentlemen I give you Pimpbot 5000. He combines the classic sensibilities of a 1950's robot with the dynamic flare of a 1970's street pimp.
In lieu of the fact that Google forgot to celebrate St. Pat's this year. I give you Conan O'Brien...
and The Masturbating Bear.
WKRP in Cincinati updateAndy Travis found alive and well in Halifax whorehouse
Action Figure Man Episode 34 - How to buy Action Figure Man
In the same vein, action figures, for today's generation. I especially like the Michael Jackson figure with "baby dropping action!". It is my firm belief that you're a nobody 'til you've been immortalized in plastic... or carbonite, that's cool too. Nerd out.
Freedom Fries UpdateFrance fires back with Peace Pretzels
I'm not making this up.</davebarry>
Tuesday, March 18, 2003
Music blogging is the new hotness
Guillermo, it was really nada.
Back in my day, Morrissey's fans were closeted gay boys, the girls who loved them, and oddly, Mormons.
Now, he's the idol of Latinos, especially in LA. Is it a cultural connection with melodramatic poetry or artistic narcissism? Is it identification with Morrissey's lyrics of disenfranchisement, or a rebellion against traditional Latin machismo?
Is it the hair?
For a while, I had the following message on my answering machine:
"I am ready to record your report for the archives of the institute. Make it short. Thank you."
And Pooh rocks!
[Pooh is not gay. That incident with Tigger was just a misunderstanding.]
The birth of anime
...and an 80's icon, returns!
The trailer for the new TV show is in English and quite good. 'cept they keep calling him Astroboy and not just plain Astro, but oh well, beggers can't be choosers.
Soaring high in the sky,
He may be small but only in size.
He is brave and gentle and wise!
Stronger Than all the rest,
this mighty robot will pass the test,
Oh villans fear him, so we cheer him,
The amazing AstroBoy!
When you need someone strong,
Our robot friend will never be long.
He will try to right any wrong!
When there's danger near by,
No matter who, what, where, when or why.
He'll defend us, he'll defend us,
The amazing AstroBoy!
Monday, March 17, 2003
Robin Cook's resignation speech to the British Parliament (realplayer). One of the first politicians to speak without invoking marketing tactics, false analogies, calls to emotionality or outright lies.
I'm going to step out of character for a moment to announce: GO FRANCE!
Ok, I'm done. Buncha cheese eatin surrender monkeys... :)
Sick & Depraved
If you have a Pooh fetish, I suggest you click here. ;)
Saturday, March 15, 2003
Friday, March 14, 2003
Like the great 20th century poet, GI Joe, once said: Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.
By smaller footprint for winter. I mean a narrower tire. They're much better at cutting through snow and slush. You should see them on World Rally cars where the idea is taken to the extreme and they end up looking like motorcycle tires. Of course with a nutty amount of studs on the surface, but the idea is the same. Smaller tire also equals less now build-up in the wheel well.
Snow is one thing. Ice is a completely different affair. AWD, traction control, special compound tires, sure they all help and are better than stock, but no guarantees on ice. You should know G, you're well versed in the properties of friction (off-side remark about the Civic's offroad adventures). :) *Tuan quickly runs realizes starting a flame war with a "safety" certifier packing heat... is a bad idea.*
Mingus, you had me on the wrong assumption. If traction is not a problem, then you definitely need a Yugo - a true winter beater. :) No better yet! A Dyna... <Ming reaches out and chokes Tuan> ACCKKK...
I just clued in about the "back from the shop" line. Did your car have a nasty encounter?
A prostitute walks into a bar. She spots a koala bear sitting at the end of the bar. After a little small-talk and flirting, the koala bear goes home with her. They frolic all night long. The next morning, the koala gets up and wanders towards the door.
"HEY! Where are you going?" yells the prostitute. "I haven`t been paid!"
Realizing that he is a koala bear and might not understand, she reaches for a dictionary and looks up "prostitute".
She shows him the definition:
PROSTITUTE (pros`ti toot) n. A woman who performs services for money.
The koala bear looks at her and then grabs the dictionary. He shows her a definition:
KOALA BEAR (ko all e Bare) n. A furry marsupial. Eats bush and leaves.
Tires, I'm not asking for advise on them. As it stands, the tires on the Celica will get me through just about anything. . . . what the rest of the car will look like when I drive though it is a completely different story. I was thinking of getting a 1/4-tonne, but I've since written that idea off. As tempting as getting a Dynasty is. . . ugh. . . no. Getting something heavier? The one thing I didn't like about the van in the winter. . . . momentium on ice. I'd hate to get a SUV. Therefore getting a pure winter crap-car for under 5K sounds about right unless someone has a better idea.
Tuan, why would a small footprint be better? A fatter tire has more in contact with the ground, giving a better chance of being in contact with dry pavement when you hit icy patches, especially considering the irregular nature of roads. If smaller tires yielded better grip, regardless of season, the F1 racers would drive with bicycle tires.
[and so the flame war begins.]
Railroad, it's true because there's a vignette. Salt mines? Pure unfounded conspiracy theory. . . . there is no proof that the white crystaline found around the Chinese Village is really salt. ;-p
Just to add to Greg's advice about weight distribution. Skimp on the car if ya like. But get good winter tires. They make a world of difference. Even on a Dynasty *snicker*. Sorry, I still find that highly, oh what's the French word? ...amusant.
I recommend the newer Pirelli's if you can find them. Bridgestone Blizzaks are more common though. Stay away from Michelin, the tread patterns stink.
Basically you want any tire that has the "mountain with a snow flake" symbol on it. Not this sissy All-Season crap. You also want to check for winter tire compound. Trade-offs here. If the special compound is throughout the whole tire (a good thing), the tire is softer, grips better, but tire life is shortened. Also the smaller the tire footprint the better, so get 14" if possible.
Yes, I am the purveyor of useless car knowledge. And if Geoffie would get off his can he can chime in too. :)
Actually, I grow weary of this cold weather stuff, I've had my fun. Now I want my alloys back on.
Dreadfully sorry, but Greg started it. :)
The Ming Dynasty (1988-1993) truly reigns supreme over all other modes of transportation. And with the right modifications, can be quite badass. Or if you prefer... bling bling :)
Gang, we should go to New Jersey for vacation. It's home to Kevin Smith and his Jersey Trilogy (Clerks,Mallrats,Chasing Amy). Also, I hear they have great food over at Cheapside. They even serve duck!
For the record. Yes you people do have freakishly large eyes. Did I say eyes? I meant fries. Freakishly large amounts of fries.
for the record...4 months and 1 week left to the contract....sunny tropical travels are fast approaching....Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia and Thailand here I come!
sooo very tired right now...shouldn't be this tired on a friday night but those hopped-up-on-sugar-spawns sucked the life out of me sometime during my 4th class...did you know that to make fun of westerners Korean children put their index fingers at the outside of their eyes and push in to make their eyes round?...just about pissed myself laughing..."teeacha...teeeacha..looke...I USA...eye soooo big!"...they think our eyes are freakishly huge and it's a source of great amusement for my students...
White devils? Did I totally miss a post somewhere? As far as the railroad thing, Canada saw fit to make a vignette about it. Which I find quite humourous cause it's not my peoples (well not directly aimed at my peoples). :) *in an asian tone* "dey say dere is one dead chinaman fo evewy miyoh of twack" Ya. Way to sucker China, Canada, good one. Least it wasn't a salt mine.
I would have to refer to it as THE Ming Dynasty. And yes it would be at the very least on par with cracks about pink Volvos. ;)
Ming (in full gold chain pimpage): "I gots an AC Body ya'll. Raprazent." *thumps chest*
Word to the wise: Daewoo is not dead. I repeat. Not dead.
Ming: As for a winter car, I recommend something heavy, if AWD can't be found. When I bought my civic (in January), I noticed that it spun out more often then my old Dynasty. I believe Snowman has also "enjoyed" having up to 3300lbs on a 65/35 weight distribution over the front drive wheels. Not that I would recommend a Dynasty, or anything else domestic. But if you _DID_ own a Dynasty, we would make fun of you until the end of days. "Ming's Dynasty". That's what we'd call it. But I do think that a heavier car would sit on the road tighter, if that's the specific problem you're having, and they tend to have softer suspension. Automatic gearbox would be ok, as you wouldn't burn away the clutchplate making fine adjustments on slippery surfaces. That's my 2 yen.
You're a bunch of god damn white devils.
*takes a long puff of opium and returns to building your fucking railroad*
The Blue Room
Depressing? How can you talk ill of your peoples Ming? They're your peeps. You are their "Mack Daddy", the messiah, the chosen one, he who will unite the factions, the dungeon mastah, email@example.com - you get the idea. You can't let them down. You must free them from the shackles of the tyranny brought down by Wizards of the Coast. Roll that D6 Mingus! Play that Frost Wyvern card! Triumph over evil! Ok, I'm done now. :)
As for a winter beater, I suggest Canada Trader or Auto Trader. And the hell with it, since I'm totally biased, get yerself a used Subaru SVX or Legacy or you could get this. The AWD will do ya good and they can be had if you look around for 5K, the Subarus that is.
The best part of Wolfenstein was, of course, "Mein Nayven!" et. al. Also, the best part about this game is people screaming in agony in german between bouts of throwing crap at you from the tops of buildings while you shoot at them, Virtua Cop style. Very well done for a Flash game, actually.
Thursday, March 13, 2003
On a different note, I just got my car back from the shop today. Looks as good as new, I'll do some final touches when I get it serviced in the next couple of weeks. Consequently, my wallet is a lot lighter now. FYI, 7th-Gen Celicas do not retain any of the Celica's rally heritage therefore I'm currently in the market for a second vehicle for next winter. Any suggestions?
Wow. I now have something else to look forward to on my trip to Atlanta besides touring the many coasters at Six Flags. . . . hanging out with other depressing gamers and sci-fi nut-heads. Greg, as for your comment: No Americans aren't specifically after those of Chinese descent. They are too frigging incompentant to tell the difference between someone from Chinese descent and Middle-Eastern descent.
I will not bash the Americans.
I will not bash the Americans.
I will not bash the Americans.
Aw fuck it. Who am I to steer clear of a good rant? Besides, this silliness is getting a little out of hand when fellow Canadians are jumping on the bandwagon. Although the quote about the owner of The French Maid exotic dance bar not 'stripping' the surly name from his establishment was worth a chuckle. I ran across another article referring to the French as cheese-eating surrender monkeys, a Simpsons quote, priceless.
Long have I bashed the French, possibly because of this. Actually, because it's easy and they have Gerard Depardieu and mimes. Fuck I hate mimes.
But today I stand arm to arm with my baguette-eating brothers and denouce this foolishness. For they have given us so much. Like monkeys wearing berets. Monkeys! Wearing berets! You can't beat that!
Here's an auto-centric view of history, America. You fought the Germans. They now have better cars than you do. You fought the Japanese. They have much better cars than you do. And I'm pretty sure Sony and Nintendo have all but brain-washed your children into upstanding super-soldiers raised on a steady diet of violent videogames ready to strike for their 'motherland' at a moments notice. <Japanese man hands Tuan beta copy of Gran Turismo 4> Ummm... about that last remark, America. Forget I said that.
Thanks for the Columbia shuttle pic, Chantal. It serves to remind me that the majority of Americans are not idiots. One last thing America, for a game that's called football. You sure do use your hands an awful lot.
My coffee-drinking world is torn asunder. It's as if the Great God Timonisius Hortonbras decreed, "I cast thee out!". What did I do to deserve this? Surely I have been a good disciple, supping daily of the sweet sweet life-giving nectar that is... the double-double. Then why oh why have the middle-aged maidens of Tim confused my order with the less virtuous, medium two and one? I'll tell you why! Cause there's another regular morning coffee drinker and it turns out he's... asian. And if you didn't already know. Yes. Apparently, all bruthas DO look alike. God I'm tired. I need a coffee. "Medium two and one, sir?" D'oh!
Wednesday, March 12, 2003
Attention: all chuckers and floppers
Mingus, I was gonna tell ya ta check out E3 in Atlanta, but it's held in LA this year. No worries though. I found something right up your alley. :)
...and pick me up a lifesize cardboard cut-out of Princess Leia (in revealing slave outfit) would ya? ;)
Duc, best of luck in Hickville USA. If ya run into any trouble, my army of super-intelligent monkey butlers is waiting at the border. Contact Jojo. He's good peoples.
Yo Gregory (EiT me). Will you be able to certify my Impreza if I remove both catalytic converters? I can guarantee this will be perfectly "safe" for the performance of my car (along with the speed holes in the hood). As for the environment, we're all screwed anyway, so how's bout it?
Tuesday, March 11, 2003
Ming - I don't think they're specifically after those of Chinese descent. Security has been a pain in the ass to almost everyone who flies these days, especially to the US. Almost everyone who boards a plane has a story about paranoid security people. Just be glad you're not middle-eastern.
Is it really that bad? And, if it is, is it just the flying/border crossing part? Or are the Americans a little more...American than we've come to know and dislike? I presume once you land, it will be the usual 'work Ming until he drops, pick him back up and work him harder' routine.
Al - I read the "freedom fries" article. To quote the Mississauga Member of Parliament, "Damn Americans, I hate the bastards." Although the line from the French Embassy about French Fries coming from Belgium - that was quite good.
[begin rant] Just so there's no question about where I stand on the Iraq issue - I don't care. I don't know why the yanks want to play in the sand again, nor why the Brits are so eager to join them. But I care not for Iraq either. I don't understand why half of Europe is being given a hard time by the yanks over this. We've all read our history books. France and Germany (and others) spent the first half of the last century at war. I don't imagine they want to start off this century the same way, even if it is against an inferior opponent. And I don't like the term "war" either. Wars are fought between countries of approximately equal strength, with one nation invading another and being pushed back - over a process of years. Certainly one country can "invade" or "occupy" another, but from my TV set, I figure this will be more of a "6-day" affair, with the yanks "winning", but having to stay around to enforce the victory, like they've been doing the last several years. And here's one for Al - the history buff among us - why, given age of civilization and its capability to write stuff down - do we still have interviews/conversations/rants on the topic? Is there more that needs to be said? Should I watch CNN, CBC, etc. in the hopes of learning something new? BAH! [end rant] And yes, I realize the irony about ranting on war and then ranting about too many rants.
I'm going home now. I was at work - I intended to actually work, but I was typing up the Japanese translation of my speech. Looks like I'll be heading down to Halifax on the 22nd or 23rd for the Sunday afternoon speech. The economics of driving for 10 hours for the sake of delivering a 3 minute speech isn't favorable, especially since the first prize is probably valued at less than half a tank of gasoline. But hey, it's an educational experience. And if that cute Chinese girl decides to enter, she'll want a ride. In my car. Down east. Not that that's my reason for going. It would just be an unexpected perk. Big round eyes, that one has. But that Chinese guy that's never more than 3 feet away from her is probably her boyfriend.
I'm going home now.
Just remember, Ming, they're called Freedom Fries now. Don't want to get thrown in jail for ordering something named after those treasonous French.
Ahh The Onion, my Tuesdays would be so much more productive were it not for your brilliant writing...
Adulthood Spent Fulfilling Unfulfilled Childhood:
CANTON, OH�Jeffrey Riesman, 29, an account manager at Tri-Trust Insurance, has spent the last 10 years satisfying desires not sufficiently fulfilled during childhood, sources reported Tuesday.
Above: Taking a break from his Atari 2600, Riesman enjoys a bowl of Fruity Pebbles.
"I just bought a mint-in-box Six Million Dollar Man Bionic Transport and Repair Station off eBay for just under $100," Riesman said Tuesday. "All I need is an Oscar Goldman, and I'll have the complete Bionic toy series."
According to roommate Nate Kenniff, 28, Riesman's need to indulge childhood desires is reflected in everything from his toy collection to his diet.
"We tried shopping for groceries together when I first moved in, but that didn't work," Kenniff said. "He'll go to Costco and buy box after box of Fruity Pebbles, Boo Berry, and Quisp. Whenever I suggest we get some Wheat Chex or something a little less sweet, he just rolls his eyes and calls my cereal choices 'lame.'"
Kenniff said Riesman spends an average of six hours a night watching TV.
"I like TV as much as the next guy, but Jeff takes it to extremes," Kenniff said. "And it's not like he's watching quality stuff. He'll stay up for an all-night Scooby Doo marathon. Have you tried watching Scooby Doo lately? It's not as good as you might remember it."
Riesman also owns more than 500 DVDs, many of which are collections of cartoons he loved as a boy or such forbidden films from his adolescence as Porky's, Private School, and Hot Resort.
When Riesman isn't watching TV or DVDs, he's usually playing one of the 200-plus games he has purchased for his vintage Atari 2600 game console.
"I had Atari when I was a kid, but my mom always made me wait until I was done with my homework to play," Riesman said. "Now, as soon as I come home from the office, I can settle in and play Yars' Revenge until dawn, and she can't say anything about it."
Added Riesman: "I'm thinking about picking up a second game system, like maybe a Colecovision or Intellivision. Why not? They're only like 50 bucks. I make almost $30,000 a year. Why deprive myself?"
Another area in which Riesman's youthful indulgence manifests itself is his bedtime. Despite having a job that requires him to be at the office at 8 a.m., he refuses to go to sleep before 3.
"When Jeff and I were living together, he'd always stay up way after I went to sleep," said Carla Green, Riesman's ex-girlfriend. "I'd say 'Come to bed,' and he'd always snap back that he's an adult and can stay up as late as he wants. I have no clue what that was about."
According to noted psychotherapist Dr. Howard Blum, Riesman suffers from a condition known as Chronic Unfulfilled Desire Syndrome, which affects a person's ability to let go of childhood fixations and embrace maturity.
"Some people are never able to overcome CUDS�it can't be medicated," Blum said. "The only thing an afflicted individual can do is try to curb those youthful desires while still in their twenties and pray they aren't still pursuing them at 45. There's nothing sadder than a middle-aged Pez-dispenser collector."
I have a bit of bad news to impart upon you all. In fact, it brings me to tears as I write this. The past few months has been great, unfortunately all that is soon coming to an end. My company is shipping me back to the Atlanta front to serve my third tour-de-force there and I don't know if I will make it back. I knowingly accepted this assignment with the knowledge of the growing instability and descrimination in this area of the world. However, as the only one qualified to complete this mission, I decided to take the responsibility upon my shoulders and help bring this to an end. The journey shall be hard. I pray that my past experiences will help me get though this horrible ordeal and that I can return safely home. I will try to keep in touch, however if you should not here from me please do not morn my passing. Please contact the Canadian government and ask them to free me from the evil clutches of the Americans as they have yet again detained and imprisoned yet another innocent as a possible terrorist under the guise of national security.
Be afraid. Be very afraid. Greg as an Engineer, scary thought. . . . Congrats Greg. On a related note, I just finished watching the rest of the Ping Pong Club. Greg, there is more sick and deprived humour to your favorite game than you have seen.
An Evangelion parenting simulation? Odd. Very odd.
One more thing:
THEY LET ME IN!
I just got a letter from the Association of Professional Engineers and Geoscientists of New Brunswick (www.apegnb.com). They've accepted me as an "Engineer-In-Training". 4 more years of acceptable engineering experience (probably closer to 3.5 years, since I can credit some of the work already done), and I can sign things as being safe. Bridges, Power Plants, Guns, Explosive Devices...you name it, I'm that much closer to having the legal power to declare them safe. Yay for Greg!
(And by "safe" I mean they've been designed and/or built to the correct specifications or standards where applicable - not that they can't be used to cause bodily harm.)
And you thought the show was messed up...
Ayanami Ikusei Keikaku 2 Announced
Gainax has announced plans to release "Ayanami Ikusei Keikaku XP Edition" on April 11th. The game will apparently be an expanded re-release of the original Rei Ayanami parenting simulation game released for the PC and Dreamcast last year. Gainax will also release "Shin Seiki Evangelion Ayanami Ikusei Keikaku ~ Ayanami Ikusei Keikaku: Asuka Hokan Keikaku ~" (Neon Genesis Evangelion Ayanami Rearing Project ~ Ayanami Rearing Project: Asuka Complementation Project ~) for the Playstation 2 this spring. The game will add Asuka as a child the player will have to raise and parent.
And no I am NOT dusting off the Dreamcast for this one. :)
I'm on day 2 of... God's Divine Plan. And so He beckoned, "Bring unto Me ONE of every potato chip!". Lo' did He feast for forty days and forty nights and saw that it was good. Yesterday was Humpty Dumpty Grilled Cheese & Ketchup Chips. Today, Humpty Dumpty Spicy Ketchup. Tomorrow, THE WORLD!
Sunday, March 09, 2003
Friday, March 07, 2003
I've found one reason not be be envious of hood scoops.
Master Your Joystick
Greg, why do I get the feeling it went a wee bit more like this:
Clerk: "May I help you find something special today?"
Greg: "Yes, I'm looking for a watch."
Clerk: "I'm sorry you must be mistaken sir, this is a gentlemen's massage parlour."
Greg: *embarassed* "Ummm. I like to watch." *thinking* "So this is what she meant by special. Oh crap, I got wood. Down boy! Down! Musn't - let - her - see - me - like this. Better cover myself with something." <grabs nearby newspaper> "Ah that's better." Riiiiipp! "Shit! That's the 2nd time this week."
Yoda: "Screw or screw not. There is no try."
Greg: "You are most wise Yoda-san. But I cannot look upon the female body without getting wood."
Yoda: "Control, control. You must learn control!"
Greg: "I shall try Master, but it's difficult. I'm just so much bigger than you."
Yoda: <stroking light saber> "Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you?"
Greg: *stammering* "No. No. No. I never meant to imply you weren't capable of using the Force. But Master, what if I take it slow? Ya know, put the moves on her."
Yoda: "Bah! Foreplay? Pillow talk? A Jedi craves not these things!"
Greg: "Yes, you're right Master. I'll try harder next time. But lately I've been having thoughts about Han Solo. He's just so masculine and dreamy." Sigh.
Yoda: "Ermmm. Yes. Most puzzling..."
Porkins phat ride ya'll:
Thursday, March 06, 2003
Tuan tells me that one of you work for CARIS. Tell me: just how bad is it and how much do they pay. I have an interview with Dr. Masry on Saturday.
Ah, so we hear from the 7 1/2 foot beacon of pride for all Asians. Good to hear you're alive and sleepy. I'm just writing to re-confirm to all that I read this stuff daily. Sometimes more often, if I sense a disturbance in reality.
First up, I don't look like a tree, regardless of what Tuan and Chantal seem to think. OK, that's not quite true. I'm tall and I have limbs. But other than that, I don't resemble a tree.
In other news, I visited a bunch of jewelry stores yesterday. I wasn't armed. That was my first mistake. My second was talking to the sales staff. The conversation went like this:
Clerk:"May I help you find something special today?"
Clerk:"A ladies watch?"
Me:"Ladies?....IT'S YOU! YOU'RE THE ONE FROM THE INTERNET!"
Clerk (while smiling):"Played any StarCraft recently?"
At that point, she went for the shotgun behind the counter. I reached out and grabbed it from her, smacking her in the face with the butt-plate in the process. Like a frightened animal, I then began to run through the mall like a deranged man, looking for a way out of the building. I noticed side door down a hallway, and ran towards it, when a VERY well dressed Chinese man wearing a pair of sunglasses opened the door, smiled, and faster than I thought possible, pulled a pair of pistols out of his...I don't know...somewhere...and started firing in my direction. After emptying both guns, he dropped them and pulled another pair out of...I still don't know where...and continued to fire. If not for my ability to run on the walls and ceilings (and a little bending of reality), I could be pretty messed up right now. Just as I was about to pass him, I shoved the shotgun sideways into his chest, and whispered "No women, No kids" before continuing to run out into the parking lot. I found my Civic, hopped in, and drove home, leaving the Chinese man to explain his actions to security. What a day. I slept well that night.
You're tired? I played pick-up hockey after work yesterday, then stayed up till 5 am in the morning playing D&D. . . . back at work at 9 am. Surprisingly enough, I managed to stay awake most of the day and I'm still going. . . . Imagine if I drank coffee :-)
You know all's right with the world when Stephen Hawking gets his own action figure. Yes!
Wednesday, March 05, 2003
Hmmm... lemme guess Chantal. It probably went a little something like this: "What's that Johnny Tran? Your parents also have slanted brown eyes?! Shit. Get outta town. Mine too!" :) of course in my class it'd be: "What's wrong Little Billy? I'm confused. Confused? Why? My mom's carpet doesn't match her drapes." GONG! Thank you, Thank you, I'm here all week.
alright, I'll post another....I wasn't going to say anything about it but it is too funny....so all of our textbooks have a unit on describing what people look like...I go into detail about the red hair, blondes, blue eyes, green eyes....I gave my children a homework assignment to write up descriptions of their family members and friends and planned to take the whole next class listening to each student read theirs aloud......shit what a boring class that was!
k....I may be going out on a limb, but has anyone else who has seen "The Two Towers" noticed the resemblance between Greg and the Tree Ents? Should we start to call him Mr. Entsy?
Monday, March 03, 2003
I'd prefer snow to bitter cold. Kee-riist, okay, okay, we get it, old man winter, it's fucking cold. No need to be a prick about it. My nads have already recessed into my inner body cavity seeking shelter like frightened turtles. I get the point.
Medium Double Double
There comes a time in every coffee drinker's life where the sky seems bluer, the grass greener, the java bean sweeter. We start noticing women have boobs and exist outside of print mags and the internet. It's a period of rapid adjustment for us as our voice changes and our body is, well... much harrier than usual.
Yes, I'm talking about that oh so precious time of the season we as Canadians cherish so dearly - "Roll up the Rim to Win!". And seeing as I haven't won anything in God knows how long, I'd say Mr. Horton... owes me big.
Also of note, in the "Get off your soap box ya damn hippies!" department - ummmm good carbs.
Saturday, March 01, 2003
I vote for #2. or my own personal fav's: "It's gonna suck but you're gonna go see it anyway on the off chance that Natalie Portman gets nekkid." or "Shaft II: Feel the Force, Muthafuckah!"
Rejected titles for Star Wars: Episode III:
11. Jedi Knights III: The Movie
10. Vader of the Lost Darth
9. The Last Temptation of Anakin
8. How to Lose a Fan in 10 Minutes
7. Dude, Where's the Clone Wars?
6. In the Shadow of Tolkien
5. Jedi, Interrupted
4. Dawn of the Darth
3. Toy Story 3
2. The Search for Plot
1. The Sith Sense